The Simplest Things
by Purple panda eater
Summary: Non-Magical AU. Remus and Sirius are both lonely, bullied boys growing up on the outskirts of a harsh city. Remus has a troubled past and struggles with reading & Sirius' family are deep in debt with a local crime ring. RL/SB
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hello! This is my first AU (and my second ever fic) yay!_

_It's basically a non magical AU and all shall be explained by reading, so enjoy! It was originally inspired by Minnow 53's Ain't No Bitches, but it kind of took a different turn and went non magical, but my original idea came from that fic, which is awesome and made me cry_

_Oh and for fans of my first, main, borderlining epic fic Hate, Love and The Rest, fear not, this is only a side project and HLATR will not be abandoned._

_Disclaimer: Harry Potter is property or J.K. Rowling and various corporations, anything you recognise is not mine. Because if they were mine, there would have been a lot more __buttsex... uh, I mean__ subtext and a lot less Tonks luvin._

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_December 12__th__, 1970_

Remus looks up at his Daddy. He looks sad, because he's found Remus trying to read again. Though he's not exactly reading. He's looking at the pictures. His Mummy used to read this book to him before she went away.

He feels stupid when he looks at the books and they don't make sense, especially when all the other boys his age can read. When the boys at school found out they started calling him nasty names and said he was stupid. It was worse than when they found out he still called his Mummy and Daddy, Mummy and Daddy.

The teacher's say he's stupid too. He gets bad marks. He's just quiet and sometimes he comes off a bit simple, because he doesn't know as many words and he doesn't read. And it's not like he doesn't know anything Daddy teaches him stuff at home, he teaches him cooking and cleaning and other things he'll find useful. That's all people like us will ever amount to, that's what Remus's Granddad used to say. And Daddy doesn't read either anyway, so he'll never learn, because it was Mummy who read and she went away. Daddy's sure she'll come back though, he likes to keep the house clean for her.

Because Remus can see the book is making daddy sad, so he puts it away. He asks Daddy about going to the other school again. Daddy says that he can't go because he's too poor. He'll have to stick with going to the free school, even though it doesn't do him much good going there.

Daddy says it's not all it's cracked up to be, private school. But Remus really wants to go, the nasty boys who call him names in school now don't go there.

He can see the private school's playground from his bed room window, and because they start an hour later and leave an hour later that Remus does, he watches them walk home.

He sees one boy a lot because this boy walks by the big window in his living room everyday on his way to and back from school, and Remus can see he's very handsome. He looks like the pictures of the princes in the picture books. He has long dark hair, and steely grey eyes, that are the same colour as his mum's good cutlery. She left the cutlery when she went away. He see's Remus looking at him from his living room window. Now, most days, they wave at each other, he's Remus's only friend even though they've never spoken. If Remus is home early enough likes to look for him in the playground and he's alone lots of the time. And if he's not alone, it looks like people are being nasty to him. Remus can see them pushing him.

He thinks it strange that they pick on his friend, because he's so handsome, Remus would want to be friends with him if they went to school together. Maybe the nasty boys at the private school are just jealous.

*

Sirius watched the bullies circle round him. Michael Merchant cracked his knuckles. He hated school. Hated it. The other boys always always picked on him because he was poor. Because he got into St. Vincent's because the headmaster knew his family and because he could just barely afford to go. And because his uniform was always second hand. His family used to have the money but when Sirius was a bit younger, not too long after Regulus was born, in fact, Sirius's dad had run into some trouble with gangsters. Something about horses and cards that Sirius couldn't really remember. The bullies picked on him about that as well. Eugene Flint shoved Sirius into Edmund Birch who shoved him over to Michael Merchant, who shoved him to the ground.

The gravel scraped painfully across his elbows and Eugene pinned him to the ground and put his hands around Sirius's neck. It surprised Sirius, as they didn't try to strangle him very often. His pulse quickened and he was beginning to struggle to breathe. He tried to get up but Eugene was too heavy.

The bell rang and he sighed with relief. Just one more lesson, then home. No more bullies.

And he would get to wave at that boy again and Sirius liked to waved at that boy. Made him feel like he had a friend. The other boy, Sirius supposed, was about his age and went to the other school, the free one with the common children. His hair was light brown and his eyes were a light blue green colour, that Sirius thought was nice. The boy had a nice face. He smiled a lot. Sirius liked that.

*

John Lupin sighed. He cleared the lump from his throat and pulled his son into a hug.

"Remus... I'm sorry" he mumbled into his son's shoulder

"Sorry for what Daddy?" Remus asked worriedly as their hug broke apart

"Nothing... it's just... since Mummy" he cleared his throat "Went away... well... I've been a bit sad"

"I know Daddy. It's okay. She'll be back soon"

"Yeah. Right"

"She will daddy, she'll come back for us"

"Of course she will. But daddy wants you to know he'll get better soon. He'll be happy again soon"

"You will" Remus beamed "How?"

"Well... you know how Mummy was Jewish Remus?"

"No. I thought Mummy was French"

"Mummy was Jewish as well as French, Remus"

"Oh!"

"And daddy is Catholic. Daddy abandoned his faith a long time ago and today, he was speaking to a very nice pretty lady named Mary Black"

"That's a nice name"

"Yes, it is. And she told daddy that the path to happiness was through the lord"

"It is?"

"Yes Remus. So she invited you and me to come to mass tonight"

"Really! Wow!... what's mass?"

"It's where lots of other catholic people come to pray and worship God" Remus frowned at John's mention of God

"Oh... God... Mummy said not to believe in-"

"Well Mummy's not here anymore, is she?" Snapped John. Remus recoiled

"N-no" he stammered worriedly, his eyes round and wide with shock. John sighed

"Sorry for shouting Remus I... I... Mary has a little boy about your age you know. You might make a friend"

"Really? She does? I might? What's his name?"

"Sirius, Remus. His name is Sirius"

*

"Sirius! There you are! I've been worried sick!" Mary Black trotted over to her son, Sirius as he came in and kissed him on the forehead "Where've you been?"

"Just walked a bit slower on the way home from school is all"

"Oh thank goodness. I was worried you'd gotten lost! Wouldn't want you to miss mass like the last time that happened, would we?"  
"No" Sirius mumbled

"Exactly"

"What's for dinner tonight mummy?" piped Regulus from in front of the television

"Well Regulus, it's Friday"

"So..."

"Well that means we're having fish, dummy" tutted Sirius as he sat down next to his brother

"Exactly, good boy Sirius" She smiled "But don't call your brother names. Please apologise"

"Sorry Regulus"

"Good boy. Now get changed for dinner" Sirius sighed and got up off the sofa, re emerging from his room a moment later with a clean shirt and his church trousers on. His elbows were skimmed and his neck was lightly bruised

"Sirius! What happened to you?" Mary asked, clapping her hands over her mouth. Sirius looked sheepishly at his elbows

"I fell down"

"What about your neck! There are bruises on your neck!"

"I... A game we played. It got rough"

"Are you being bullied Sirius?"

"No"

"Sirius. Lying is a sin you know"

"I know"

"Liars... especially little boys who lie to their mothers, burn in hell for all eternity you know that"

"They do?" Sirius's steel grey eyes, his father's eyes, flicked down to the floor

"Yes, of course they do. Now. Is there something you would like to tell me Sirius?" Mary asked impatiently. Sirius's eye were looking blood shot and were pointed at the ground. His lip quivered

"No"

"No?" she questioned

"No" he repeated firmly

"Alright then. We'll have tea, then it's off to evening mass, alright?"

"Yes mum"

*

They stood around after mass. Remus didn't like there being so many people he didn't know. He was shy, painfully so, and the noise frightened him. Daddy lead him over to a tall dark woman in a deep green dress with a matching hat

"Mr. Lupin" She smiled

"Please Mrs. Black, call me John"

"Well I suppose you should call me Mary"

"How's your husband? Is he here?"

"No... no. He's away on business"

"Aah, shame. Is little Sirius here? Remus is a bit shy" he leaned toward Mary and whispered, assuming Remus couldn't hear "_Poor lad_ _doesn't have too many friends... get's picked on a bit you know? He's a little... different... a bit simple like me, tell the truth_" Mrs Black nodded sympathetically

"_It's the same with my Sirius. I'm sure he's being bullied you know. He's... different as well_" she raised her voice back to normal speaking level "speak of the devil" she laughed "Sirius! Over here, no need to bring Regulus, he's playing with Susanne, just you come over" a boy, taller than Remus shuffled over to them. His air was long, dark and thick and when his grey eyes met Remus's, they both grinned, giving each other the same wave they'd given each other almost every day for years.

"Remus, this is Sirius" said Daddy

"Sirius this is Remus" said Mary

"Hello" they said and waved again

"Why don't you two go outside and play in the park?"

"Oh John... I'm not sure about that"

"They'll be fine Mary" daddy smiled reassuringly "We can see the park from the window"

"Alright. I suppose the boys won't want to hear the adult talk either... run along boys" Mary smiled and gave them both a gentle push on the shoulders and Remus and Sirius left the church hall together.

"Hi, finally" Beamed Sirius. His smile was very handsome, all his teeth were big and straight and white

"Hullo"

"I can't believe I finally get to meet you after all that waving and stuff!"

"Yeah. It's cool"

"It's really cool! So... you're Remus?"

"I am"

"I'm Sirius! Do you want a sweet? I got them from the church hall" Remus smiled, nodded and took the sweet. It was yellow and tasted of lemons. He was in awe of Sirius. He wasn't used to people being so nice to him, or seeing people who were so handsome.

"How old are you?" asked Sirius "I'm eleven"

"I'm ten... eleven in March though"

"Okay. You go to Woodland's don't you?"

"Yeah"

"I've heard every one there is terribly common. I go to St. Vincent's. I hate it there, do you like school?" Remus shook his head

"The other boys... they're nasty"

"People are nasty to me as well. It's because I don't have as much money as they do, it's stupid, because they're all new money and they think they're better than me, but they're not. My family has ties with the school, I'm there on a half scholarship... Why do people pick on you?"

"I'm stupid"

"You don't seem stupid. You don't say much, but you don't seem stupid"

"I am"

"I bet you aren't. Did you enjoy church?"

"A bit boring boring... I didn't really understand what that man-"

"Father Lagarde?"

"Yeah him. I didn't understand what he was on about"

"Me neither really. His accent is hard to cut through as well sometimes, isn't it?"

"Yeah" Remus agreed, even though he had no trouble with the old man's accent.

"Do you like telly?" Sirius asks a lot of questions

"Can't afford one"  
"That's sad. You should come to my house one day and watch some" Sirius smiled "That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Remus nodded "I feel like I've known you for ages, you know?"

"I guess... we have, haven't we?" said Remus shyly. Sirius beamed at him.

*

_July 31__st__, 1971_

"But... Matthew... me, my brothers, my father, my uncles, their father, his father and his father before him are all St. Clements' alumni! Thirty years ago it was the support of my family, and my family alone, that kept the school alive... you can't _not _let my Sirius go here!" Orion Black banged on Matthew Redman's desk, trying his best to show just how desperate he was.

"Your boy was lucky to get a _half _scholarship to St. Vincent's and you struggled to pay even the lowest fee's, Orion. And after failing the eleven plus there is no way in hell Sirius _or_ Regulus for that matter will get full scholarships"

"Years of tradition! Destroyed! All the help! My family's reputation-"

"-has been compromised the day you got on the wrong side of the Riddles. We all know about your gambling problems Orion. Your debts. Virgil Malfoy himself informed me of their extent. You have been living far beyond your means, Orion, in the name of upholding reputation and I suggest you take what little money you have and put it toward your debt, before Riddle takes his payment in a different manner"

"What do you mean Redman?" growled Orion, he wasn't about to be threatened by some smarmy git he kicked the shit out of on a regular basis in school.

"Do you remember Gideon Prewett, Orion?" Redman said smugly

"I believe my wife knows his sister, Molly" Orion replied. Of course he remembered. It was in the papers for months.

"Quite. So you'll know that Prewett had a gambling problem of his own?"

"I may have heard"

"And you'll know that, much like you, he made the mistake of borrowing money from the Riddles"

"Again, I may have heard"

"So you may have heard what happened to him when he failed to pay his debt off?"

"No... no I never heard that much"

"They found Prewett, strung up from a tree, gutted like a fish, his daughter beaten to death and his wife, also beaten, half mad with terror"  
"Oh yes... I remember now..." He swallowed, Redman exhaled, satisfied at frightening Orion "how is Sarah?" he asked

"She hung herself last October"

"Aah..." Orion shook his head, thinking aloud he continued "That would never happen to me. My niece, Bellatrix, is quite close with them. Married to one of Riddle Junior's right hand men, Lestrange and... and my other niece, Narcissa, well, she's Virgil's son's sweet heart"

"Might I remind you of the Notts?"

"What about them?"

"Philip Nott's brother, Jeffrey, works very closely with Tom Riddle Junior, he thought he could just borrow money and nothing would happen to him"

"But something did happen to him, didn't it"

"Quite right Orion. Philip's wife and son went missing and he was beaten senseless. He's a quadriplegic and they found the wife and son's remains in a field in Lancaster"

"Oh that's right"

"Signs of sexual assault on both the Wife _and _the son" Redman cocked an eyebrow. Orion collapsed into his chair, defeated

"Yes well... perhaps your right Matthew... perhaps reputation isn't everything"

"Quite. Sirius is a bright boy, despite failing the eleven plus, I'm sure he'll do excellently at Woodland's senior school. It's not a patch on St. Clements', obviously, but for a comprehensive school, it's not bad at all"

"Hmm...Rather"

*

Sirius knocked on the Lupin's door brightly. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Sirius didn't have to go to St. Clements'! John Lupin answered the door, he looked curiously at Sirius

"You're looking rather jolly this afternoon, Sirius lad" he said, ushering Sirius indoors

"That's because it's a jolly good day sir. I have excellent news for Remus" He grinned at John, who's usually blank or miserable looking face became a small smile, just for a moment. It hadn't failed to escape Sirius's notice that John Lupin almost always looked miserable. He was a tall and fair, far fairer than Remus who was by no means dark, with premature lines and bones which stuck out from him at all angles. He had nose which looked as if it may have been broken once or twice and a face which suggested it may look quite boyish, were it not so tired and miserable all the time.

"He's just upstairs drawing, you should run up and tell him your good news lad" he patted Sirius on the shoulder and Sirius trotted into the cramped hall way and hopped up the stairs. Remus's room was just at the top and, apart from the bathroom, was the only upstairs room in the house. Remus's dad slept on the pull out sofa bed. Sirius pushed open the door to find Remus there, tongue poking out in effort as he drew. He jumped as Sirius entered the room.

"Sirius!" he smiled

"Hullo Remus! I have something brilliant to tell you!"

"You do? What is it?"

"I'm coming to school with you next year!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus didn't get as excited as Sirius hoped he might have. But he did smile

"You're not going to St. Clements'?" he said, his smile slowly growing

"Uh-uh" Sirius shook his head

"Why not?"

"We can't afford it, and I can't get a scholarship because I failed the eleven plus" Sirius grinned and Remus even smiled with his teeth, a rare occurrence

"This is... brilliant"

"I know! No more bullies!"

"I should be so lucky" said Remus sourly, thumbing the cut on his cheek he had obtained when Simon McKinnon had thrown a particularly large rock at him. He then called Remus names which made him cry and Sirius had spent a whole hour consoling his friend. They then went to the park and played hide and seek for three whole hours and missed mass. Neither of their parents were happy.

"No Remus! Think about it! I can look after you now, can't I! It'll be brilliant. No more bullies for you, no more bullies for me! And neither of us have to be alone anymore" He put his arm around Remus, whose smile slowly faded

"Sirius... I don't want you to see how stupid I am"

"You aren't stupid Remus"

"Yes... I am"

"Remus..._ I_ don't think you're stupid"

"You really don't?"

"How many times do I have to tell you Remus, no, no I don't" Sirius tightened his arm around Remus, who blushed and showed all his top teeth in a wide smile

"You're my best friend Sirius"

"You're _my _best friend Remus"

They smiled at each other and Sirius talked animatedly about how much fun secondary school was going to be for them. Remus fell asleep on his shoulder and he didn't mind.


	2. Chapter 2

_September 1__st__ 1971_

"You sure you've got your tie straight Remus?" Said Daddy. Staring at Remus with his eyes all misty.

"Yes Daddy" Remus nodded

"And you've got everything you need in your pencil case?" Daddy sniffed loudly and rubbed his eyes, which were tired and had bags underneath them and still looked misty.

"Yes Daddy" Remus nodded

"Are you alright? Do you need anything else? Need... Is there anything you want?"

"No Daddy... I'm fine" he shook his head

"You look worried Remus" Daddy chewed his bottom lip and creased his eyebrows. Remus was sure _he_ looked more worried than Remus did.

"I'm fine"

"If anyone... If anyone says anything to you, _anything_, tell a teacher. Or tell me or even tell Sirius. Just tell someone" he snuffled and let out a little sob. Remus reached and put a hand on Daddy's shoulder

"Alright... okay Daddy, it's okay" Remus said. Daddy let out a snuffle again and smiled as a few tears fell.

"And we're going to do something about your... problem this year, I swear okay?"

"okay" Remus squeezed Daddy's shoulder and Daddy tried to pull Remus in for a hug. But Remus flinched and stumbled back. Daddy looked at him sadly and mumbled a sorry. He crouched down and put his head on Remus's shoulder

"I won't let it go on forever Remus... I won't let you end up like me" he said into Remus's shoulder, which was getting wetter by the minute.

"I wouldn't mind that Daddy"

"Yes you would Remus. You would"

_Rap-tap-tap-tap Rap-tap_  
Came the rhythmic knock from the door. Sirius's knock, which Remus knew by heart now.

"Sirius" Remus smiled and Daddy took his head off Remus, who ran to the door, and made more snuffely noise as he wiped his face dry. He tightened the belt on his dressing gown as Remus opened the door to Sirius.

Sirius, to Remus's surprise, looked nice and smart in the new uniform. His Jumper was a good fit, his tie was tidy and done up properly, his shirt collar was white and wasn't twisted and his trousers fit him right. All of Remus's clothes were second hand, his jumper was frayed and too big and his trousers were the same. The jumper should've been navy blue and the trousers should've been a charcoal sort of colour, instead of faded inky and washed out stony colours.

"Morning Remus" he grinned "You okay Mr. Lupin?" Daddy cleared his throat.

"Yeah, thanks for asking Sirius. Are you coming in or? I suppose not actually... almost time for school isn't it?"

"Yeah, you coming Remus?" He asked, giving Remus's sleeve a little tug. Remus nodded and waved daddy good bye as he stepped out of the house.

"Your Dad's being a bit funny this morning" said Sirius

"He's being sad again lately" Remus mumbled. Daddy was crying in the mornings again. He hadn't done that since Mummy went away.

"My dad's been really weird lately as well. Since he pulled me out of private school... I didn't think he'd be that upset about sending me to state school. Not that he's been sad or anything... just a bit erm... jumpy. On edge"

"Oh. Does he cry?"  
"Cry?" Remus nodded slowly "I've never seen my dad cry before."

"Oh." Remus swallowed and he looked at his shoes, then at Sirius again. It was sunny. But not warm because it was windy. Remus liked the wind. He liked the way it blew Sirius's long hair back.

"You excited?"

"for what?"

"New school Remus! It's exciting!"

"Oh. I don't like school"

"No, you didn't like you _old _school, this one will be different."

"But it's all the same people..."

"_But_ you've got me to look after you now"

"... 'kay" Remus let his eyes fall back to his shoes. He felt sad all of a sudden when he realised that everyone at school who didn't know Sirius would probably want to be his friend. And because no one, except for Sirius, ever wanted to be his friend.  
He tripped on an uneven paving slab and skimmed his elbow.

"That was clever" Sirius said as he pulled Remus up. Remus blushed and shrugged. They walked to school and Remus didn't really say much else. Sirius talked a lot though. And Remus listened. He keeps falling asleep during mass, his mum gets angry a lot about it, his dad is jumpy all the time and he watches telly even though there's nothing on. He had eggs for breakfast this morning. He was going to complain but then Regulus said grace and his mum looked angry at him because he never says grace. So he decided it wasn't worth the bother and ate the eggs. Remus nodded attentively through what Sirius said.

A shiver ran down Remus's spine as he heard the rusty creak of the school gate, slamming shut a few yards in the distance. Remus stopped dead in the middle of the pavement and Sirius walked on for a bit before he noticed.

"That gate could do with oiling couldn't it" Sirius smiled. Remus smiled back, without feeling very happy. "It'll be alright Remus. You'll see. I'll look after you"

"You will?"

"Yes! Of course I will. You needn't worry Remus, honestly"

"... alright" Sirius smiled and gave Remus a slap on the back and a gentle shove forward and they went on walking through the rusty iron gates. Remus was sure that clouds blew over the bright sun the moment they stepped into the playground.  
It was huge. Three times the size of Remus's old play ground. Enough for two football pitches and a tennis court. There was another football pitch sized area where everyone stood, there were a few little islands of grass with tree's growing in the middle of them, then there was a massive field. Remus could just about see a forest at the fields edge. The school itself was huge. Probably the size of the entire playground. It was four buildings, all with three floors, all shaped a bit like grave stones.

They weren't early, but they weren't exactly late either, but there must have been a thousand kids in the playground. Boys and girls Remus recognised from primary school, some of the girls were standing huddled giggling and pointing at the sixth form boys they'd spotted. The sixth form boys were mostly clad in bright colours and platform boots and looked like they were wearing makeup. Sirius and Remus laughed when a girl who was at least in year ten, who slapped her brother on the arm and shouted at him for stealing her glitter eye pencil. Some of the sixth form boys were grinning at the girls in Remus's year and another girl, also in sixth form, dressed like the boys but with bigger hair and more sparkly makeup, came and pulled a boy away from the crowd; snapping at him for acting like creep and leading eleven year olds on.

Sirius turned to Remus, he almost looked scared.

"Where do we stand?" he almost sounded scared  
"I don't know what you mean"

"Well... everyone's standing in groups. In their own place. And we can't just stand in the entrance"

"You're right"

"So where should we go" Remus shrugged. Sirius smiled "you're no help are you?" he grabbed Remus by the arm and lead him over to a spot by a tree on one of the islands of grass. Sirius sat down and pushed his hair out of his eyes, Remus sat down next to him, holding his bag tightly to his chest .

"Why are you doing that?" Remus didn't answer, he tilted his head "Hugging your bag, I mean"

"Someone might take it..."

"People take your things?"

"Yeah"

"People never used to take my things. But no one wanted my things."

"They didn't want mine either. They took it any way though..."

"No one's going to take your stuff or anything anymore Remus. I'll make sure." they both sighed and fell into a comfortable silence. As Sirius sometimes ran out of things to say, and there was never much Remus had to say anyway.  
He started to play with the grass beneath his legs, tugging a few of the blades from the ground and chewing on them. He found a slug which he held on his finger for a few minutes before setting it back down on the grass again.

"Who's that?" asked Sirius. Remus looked up from the grass. He felt his stomach go all tight and his heart started to beat faster.

"Simon McKinnon, Daniel Gibbon, Amycus Carrow and his sister Alecto" Remus swallowed. They were a year above Remus, accept Simon who was two years above him. When Remus was still in the primary school, they would wait outside after school for him. Sometimes they would throw things, take things or push him down.

"There are some funny names kicking around this area aren't there?"

"Your name's Sirius"

"Yes, but it's traditional in my family to be named after a star or a constellation. And you're called Remus anyway, so you can't talk" They both smiled.

"What's wrong with Remus"  
"Who the hell is called Remus?" laughed Sirius

"I am. And someone from Roman mythology" he said proudly

"What happened to Roman Remus?" asked Sirius. Remus tried to remember the story his mother used to tell him. Her version had all the details and different voices. Remus could barely remember it now though.

"His mum abandoned him and his twin Romulus, a wolf brought them up, they founded Rome but argued over the name, I think, so Romulus killed Remus and named Rome, Rome"

"Why didn't your parents call you Romulus then?" Sirius asked, tilting his head a little as he asked the question

"Thought Remus was a nicer name I suppose." Alecto threw a stone and the boys laughed.

"Oi! Spaz! Who's your friend? Spaz!" Called Gibbon.

"Who's your freaky little friend spaz boy?" spat Simon, as they got closer

"I don't know Simon, he doesn't look that freaky to me" said Alecto, giving Sirius a funny look that Remus didn't like the look of at all.

"You're kidding." Snorted Simon "He probably can't read either." Remus's already tight stomach scrunched up even tighter. His heart beat even faster. He looked over at Sirius, but he hadn't take notice of the last comment. He was too busy glaring at the group of children, who had now stopped on their little grass island.

"Maybe he's a cripple or something" Sneered Amycus

"He doesn't have a chair" said Alecto with a roll of her eyes. Sirius leapt to his feet and gave Amycus a shove.

"I'm not a cripple and Remus isn't a spaz, so leave us alone" he growled. All four of them cackled

"He's so posh!" snorted Simon

"I am not, you're just..." Sirius's mouth kept moving but no words came out "just common that's all"

"Who are you calling common? You posh little snot rag" Simon stepped closer to Sirius. Sirius stepped back.

"Fuck off"

"Ooo _Fuck off!_" Simon copied Sirius's accent "I'm terrified. I'm shaking in my boots"

"You should be." Sirius tired to look angry and scary. But angry and scary just looked huffy on his softer features "My father-"

"_Your father!" _Simon copied Sirius's accent again "You've got to be kidding. What is he, the duke of Buckinghamshire or something? Will he set his hunting dogs on me?" Alecto giggled and added

"Will he get the polo team to trample him underneath their horses?" then Gibbons said  
"Will he reject my request for country club membership?" They all laughed. Amycus kicked Sirius in the shin. Remus felt anger rise up in his tight stomach. He rose to his feet as well.

"Leave him alone" he snarled (or at least he tired to)

"Spaz boy speaks at last. Defending your _boyfriend_ are you, Retard?" Sneered Simon

"I'm not a retard..." he said, but he didn't believe his own words "just go away"

"You'll pay for that" Simon shook his head. Amycus gave Sirius another kick in the shin.

"I said go away. Shove off. Leave us alone" Remus stepped a bit closer to Simon. His loyalty outweighed his fear.

"What did I say about being rude to us Retard?" said Simon calmly. He poked Remus in the chest "I said _what. Did. I. Say?_" He jabbed between each word.

"If I'm rude, I have to eat dirt" Remus said bitterly. He looked down at the floor. Simon smiled

"Get him! And make his friend do it as well" he ordered. The other boys did what he said.

Daniel grabbed pushed Remus to the ground and grabbed a handful of Remus's hair and forced it down into the dirt. He rubbed his face against the grass and Remus could hardly breathe. He could hear Sirius fighting Amycus back but then he fell to the floor as well. And Simon told Alecto to hold Sirius down while Amycus rubbed his face in the dirt.

Remus was sure his nose was going to bleed, or break or something. He kicked back weakly at Daniel but missed. He heard the bell ring in the distance. Daniel held him down while Simon gave Remus a stiff kick in the stomach, then did the same to Sirius, who spluttered like he'd had the air knocked out of him.  
As Simon, Daniel and the Carrows walked in doors, laughing, Sirius rolled onto his back and stood up. When Remus didn't move, Sirius nudged him onto his back and pulled him to his feet. Sirius's hair was messy and his jumper was stained with grass, his face was covered in grassy and dirty marks as well. And Remus was sure _he_ looked worse.

"I'm sorry Remus" said Sirius while he smoothed down his hair.

"For what?"

"I said I'd look after you..." Sirius couldn't meet his eye "I've let you down already" he swallowed, and Remus noticed how much paler he looked than usual "... I think I underestimated the bullies here"

"It doesn't matter. You've not let me down. It's alright they're horrible" Remus tried to smile, but it didn't really work. They began to trudge inside, Sirius scowling and muttering as they walked.  
"I bet I could've fought that Amycus kid off me if his fat lump of a sister hadn't sat on me"

"She sat on you?" giggled Remus. Sirius smiled.  
"Yes. Otherwise I would've gotten him off me... they're just as bad as the kids at my old school"

"This is why I hate school. I hate them and they hate me. I don't know why though. But they do" mumbled Remus. Sirius's eye brows creased.

"It happens with people like that. They're only going for you because you're shy and smaller than they are"

"And because I'm stupid"  
"You aren't stupid Remus.... but... what that McKinnon said about you not being able to read... is that true?"  
"No. No. It was a lie... sometimes I find it hard. But I can read"

"Oh. Alright. Okay" his eyebrows creased up even more " But... I wouldn't care if you couldn't"

"I can read alright!" Remus snapped. Sirius shrank back and bit his lip.

"Okay, I said okay!" he sighed "C'mon, walk faster I'm getting cold"

*

To Sirius's, and, presumably Remus's, relief they had been put in most of the same classes. They were in the same form class, same groups for everything else. Sirius had heard Remus give some mumbled worried comment about groups being sorted by ability but luckily everything accept maths was mixed ability and they were together in maths any way.

Their first lesson had been maths and they sat together in a corner at the front but they were quickly swapped for the students who had chosen to sit at the back.

"Kids who sit at the back are always up to something. Front row, switch with back so I can keep an eye on you" their teacher said coolly, wiping his blackboard clean.  
Simon McKinnon had been one of the students sat at the back, he tripped Remus as they changed places and everyone laughed. Sirius made sure he glared at every single person in that class and put his arm round Remus, who shivered. A few of the girls were giggling at him but he didn't care.  
"Alright, my name is" the teacher wrote his name on the blackboard "Mr. Fry. I am your maths teacher, obviously, and I expect the highest standard of work from every single one of you. Today, we'll be starting out on..."

Sirius leaned back in his chair and looked around the room. It was very drab and beige and uninteresting. The room was tiny and all the desks were crammed in tightly together. The ceiling was too low and there were only three windows, and they were on the other side of the room. The fluorescent lights buzzed above them and Sirius had the strangest sense of being trapped.  
This room was nothing like the classrooms he was used to.  
All the classrooms in private school had been covered in bright paper and displays and drawings and paintings. But Sirius hadn't seen one painting since he'd stepped through the door.  
He wondered if this was what all secondary schools were like or just "rough" ones.

That was one of the words his mother had kept using when they first found out Sirius was going to St. Clements'  
"_I don't want him going to that rough__school, with all of those awful common children. I'm sure I saw a group of them smoking at the bus stop yesterday.  
It's not a catholic school either Orion, do you want your son being taught by, by Heathens? I bet they don't even pray in the mornings.  
Sirius you must tell me if they don't have you pray. Because if they don't I want you praying before school.  
And don't speak to them much. Keep to yourself, I don't want you to end up speaking like them, common and rough, I don't want you embarrassing this family either. You may speak to Remus, the Lupins are a good Christian family.  
Oh gracious Orion, what if there are Jewish children or muslins or gypsies? Do you really want your son mixing with... ethnic types? Because I certainly don't!"_

And she'd gone on and on and on like that for almost the whole summer holiday and every time his father had replied

"_Mary, I'm not happy about it either, but there is absolutely nothing I can do."_

And then Dad would look miserable and Mum would nag a little more, then Dad would go out and she would nag at Sirius and Regulus instead. Then they would pray or go to mass or something.

Sirius had spent most of his holiday reading. And when he wasn't reading, he was with Remus, and when he wasn't reading or with Remus, his parents were fighting or annoying him or dragging him to church.

His two favourite things in the world had become reading and Remus. And his two least favourite things had become church and his parents.

Sirius smiled as he thought this and put his hand on Remus's back. Remus flinched and shuddered so Sirius took his hand away, Remus blushed.  
He smiled at the little flush of colour on his friends cheeks, as they were usually so pale.  
Sirius all of a sudden realised that every eye in the stuffy class room was on him.

"Sirius?" Sirius's head snapped round to Mr. Fry "Aah, thank you. Now you've cared to stop staring into space I'd like you to answer my question" he rolled his eyes at Sirius's blank expression "which was, what does X equal?" he sighed again "in regards to the equation on the board"

"Oh erm... 7"

"Close but no cigar. What about you? You, there, the twitchy looking one"

"Me?" asked Remus

"Yes you. What does X equal"

"Erm... 7.2?"

"Yes, excellent. So class, as you can see, if X equals 7 on this equation, then on the next..."  
Sirius nudged Remus and smiled. Remus smiled back.  
"See" Sirius whispered "Told you you weren't stupid" Remus shrugged and looked back over at the teacher.

*

_September 20__th__ 1971_

Remus was walking home from school alone. Sirius's mum had picked him early so he could go to the dentist. He didn't tell Daddy he would be walking home alone because he would only be upset. Especially after what happened the last time he was out alone. But it had been dark then and it was light now. He was still frightened though, especially when he started to think about it. Stop he stopped thinking and ran.  
He felt something hard and cold hit his neck. A rock.  
"How original" he mumbled. Thinking that sounded like something Sirius might mumble. Another rock hit him and he could hear Simon laughing behind him, at least his friends weren't there, he's not as bad by himself.  
So he ran faster, so did Simon and he was faster than Remus. He caught up quickly and wrapped his arm round Remus's neck. Remus felt sick straight away.  
"Hey spaz" he said, tightening his arm

"M'not a spaz"

"Yeah you are, you're a fucking retard"

"Let me go!"  
He let go and Remus fell to the ground and he scraped his hands landing. Simon ran past laughing, Remus was just happy he didn't kick him or anything. Remus ran the rest of the way, even though his ankle was sore. He thought he must have twisted it when Simon dropped him.  
When he got home, he tugged the sleeves of his jumper over his hands, so Daddy wouldn't see the scrapes. He still felt sick and he hoped he didn't look as pale as he thought he might.

"That you mate?" he shouted from the kitchen. It sounded like he was cooking. That was a good sign, he usually only cooks when he's in a good mood. Remus had become wary of take-aways ever since mummy had gone away.

"Yeah, Daddy. It's me" he called

"How was your day"

"Normal. Yours?"

"Alright. Looks like I might be getting some work down at the building sight"

"S' good." Mumbled Remus

"Where's Sirius? Usually he comes in with you"

"He had to go home to ask his mum if they were going tonight"

"That's silly. I can't see Mary ever missing mass. Is she okay"

"Dunno" Remus shrugged "Probably"

"Hmm. Oh well. We're having spaghetti for dinner"

"I like spaghetti"

"I know. Will Sirius be staying?"

"Maybe."

"Well, warn him it's my cooking to night. Not a curry"

*

_Rap tap-tap-tap Rap tap_

Remus ran to the door and flung it open.

"Alright Remus?"

"Mmhmm. How was the dentist?"

"Fine. I was in and out just like that."

"My Dad doesn't know I went home by myself. So you were asking your mum if you were going to mass"

"Got it" Sirius winked and stepped in through the doorway and kicked the front door shut behind him. "Is it alright if I stay for tea? I asked my mum already"

" 'S fine"

"What is it tonight? Fish and Chips? Pizza? Indian? Ch-"

"He's cooking spaghetti"

"Your dad cooks?"

"Yeah... sometimes... if he's up to it"

"That Sirius?" called Daddy from the kitchen

"Yeah" Replied Sirius "Hi Mr. Lupin. I'm staying for dinner, if that's alright"

"It is. I made enough for three anyway. I was expecting you turn up. I'm pretty much done, so come in and sit at the table" Sirius smiled and trotted into the kitchen and Remus followed  
behind him. He sat down on one of their old wooden chairs and rested his elbows on the battered table, which wobbled under his weight. Remus sat down beside him.

"It's a bit wobbly" he warned

"I guessed" Sirius smiled at him. Daddy busied himself measuring out the spaghetti and the Bolognese to go on top of it. He put the the bowl in front of them and dropped some fork in the middle of the table. The spaghetti was over cooked, it was white and limp and the Bolognese was over cooked and smelt a bit strange. Sirius's face twisted but quickly relaxed.

"Looks good" he said enthusiastically. And he and Remus went to grab forks while Daddy got drinks. Sirius saw the scrapes before Remus could pull his hand back.

"What happened?" he said quietly "Was it McKinnon?" Remus nodded slowly.

"He threw stones-" Remus began, but went quiet when Daddy gave them their drinks and sat down.

"Tell you what, before I eat I'm going to pop to the loo. You're welcome to start though." Sirius watched daddy leave, then hissed,

"What happened? What did he do this time? Did he hit you again? Did he kick you?"

"No. He threw stones again"

"That's original"

"That's what I said... then he called me names again and put me in a headlock, then he dropped me and I did that" He held up his hands "where I fell"

"Where did the stones hit you?"

"Back of my neck. Hurts"

"I'll check if it bruised" Sirius stood and pulled the collar of Remus's shirt down "There's a bit of a cut there... start of a bruise. You'll live, I think" laughed Sirius. His hand rested on Remus's neck for a moment and Remus didn't feel as sick as he usually did when people touch him

"What's that?" he asked

"What's what?"

"There's a scar here. A little one, shaped like a circle" Sirius's hand ran over the mark. Remus panicked and snapped

"It's nothing" Remus shook Sirius's hand from his neck.

"Remus..." he sounded worried "it must be something... what-" Sirius's eyes widened when he heard the toilet flush, he sat back down and picked his fork back up. Daddy wiped his wet hands dry on his t shirt and sat. He looked at them both, because they were sat in silence.

"Come on boys, dig in. It's not as bad as it looks, I promise"

*

_September 21__st__ 1971_

"You don't touch him." Sirius said. His face was screwed up in an ugly scowl. Not that Sirius ever really looked ugly though.

"What did you say Black?" asked Simon, slamming Remus a little harder in to the lockers. He had Remus by his collar. His neck ached all the way up to his head. He felt sick from Simon being so close to him and having his hands on his shirt.

"I said, don't touch him. Put him down now." Sirius stepped much closer to Simon, like he was going to force himself between Simon and Remus.

"You don't talk to me like that. I'll do whatever I want."

"You don't put him down, you don't stop touching him, I _will _kick the shit out of you" Simon rolled his eyes, but he did put Remus down. He snorted and stood almost nose to nose with Sirius.

"_That_ sounds like an idle threat if I ever heard one"

"I'll show you idle threats McKinnon" Sirius said, his eyes were darkened by his scowl. He shoved Simon, who stumbled back. Simon wasn't as tall as Sirius (but Sirius was very tall) but he was far wider and Remus was surprised when Simon tried to push Sirius but he hardly budged. He took a swing at Sirius, which Sirius dodged as he kicked Simon in the shin and caught Simon's chin with his fist as he fell to the ground. Sirius sat on top of Simon, his knees either side of the bigger boy. He slapped Simon across the face three times, very hard. He had a big red hand print on his cheek. Sirius wrapped his fingers around Simons throat and squeezed till he turned a funny colour.

"Never touch Remus again" And Simon made a funny wheezy noise, he tried to nod "Understood?" he half nodded again. "Good. Because if you do, if this carries on, I'll smash your fucking face in." Simon half nodded again. His face was purple and his eyes were streaming. Sirius gave him a final scowl and let go of Simon's neck. He breathed in sharply, in and out as quickly as he possibly could. He stood up, stumbling as he did, gripping the lockers. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but quickly shut it again. He wiped his eyes, which weren't just streaming any more, they were crying. He kept wiping them on his sleeve, and scowled, his face bruising and blotchy, he almost said something again but ran off outside.  
Remus looked over to Sirius who was standing with his hands balled into fists. His chest slowly rising and falling, like Sirius was controlling his breathing. His fists were turning white, he was glaring at the spot Simon had been in.  
"He won't bother you any more Remus."

"Thanks" Remus was a bit frightened. Sirius didn't look like Sirius anymore, he looked older and bigger and angrier than he'd ever seen him before. "Are you okay Sirius?"

"What? Me? Yeah I'm alright just angry. Just need to calm down."

"Okay"

"He just really makes me angry. He shouldn't pick on you. You're smaller than him, it's not right"

"I don't want him to pick on you either"

"I can handle him. He's nothing compared to the bullies at the private school. That's where I learned the choking thing from"

"You could've really hurt him"

"But I didn't. And now he knows not to touch you. Nobody touches you Remus."

"You can still touch me, if you want" Remus blushed but Sirius smiled and put his arm round his shoulders. Remus fought back a shudder and smiled.

_A/N: This took a bloody long time to get out and for that I am deeply sorry :P  
So review and favourite, if you enjoyed it.  
Thanks, much love :D_


	3. Chapter 3

_Warning: Implied child abuse._

McKinnon didn't bother Remus again. He didn't even go running to the teachers like Sirius expected him too. He just stared and scowled in the hall ways, too frightened to even say anything to Remus again, let alone hit him. Touch him.  
People still picked on Remus, but only if Sirius wasn't around and even if Sirius wasn't around Remus would tell him if someone did something particularly bad. But Sirius suspected Remus just didn't tell him at all half the time.  
He tried to ask Remus about the scar on his back again but Remus told him it was a birth mark. Sirius decided to leave it at that.

_August 15__th__ 1972_

They were walking the fields round the estate, Sirius's estate, one day during the Summer. The sun beat down on them hard and white and the air was warm and thick. The grass in the field they were walking through had yellowed and become straw-like and stung Sirius's feet when he took off his shoes. He could feel the mud hard and cracked beneath it. He couldn't remember the last time it rained.

Remus wanted to stop underneath a tree and rest. But Sirius wanted to keep walking till they got to the park, just across this field. And Remus looked at him, his eyes wide nodding slowly. After the nod was done, he kept his eyes upon Sirius. In this light, Remus's eyes were shades paler and brighter. It seemed that, as the heat intensified, so did the other boy.

"What?" Sirius asked him. Perhaps a little more sharply than he should have.

"Nothing" Remus mumbled, quickly taking his eyes down to the ground. Sirius frowned.  
"Do I have something on my face?"

"No... I just was looking at you"

"Oh, alright" Sirius self consciously ran his hand around his face. "Sod it. We'll just stop. I mean, it's not too far but" he sighed "It really is too hot, isn't it" he wiped his hand across his brow and examined the moisture left on it. Too hot.

He scanned the field for shade, but saw none, so he simply shrugged and sat down. Remus plopped down beside him. It was quiet. As it often was but it seemed like, a lot of the time, they didn't really need to speak. That it was clear that they could just quietly enjoy each other's company. Because lord know Sirius didn't enjoy anyone else's.

"Remus?" Remus looked around to him, his eyes becoming pale again as they caught the light, Sirius shuffled in their gaze. "Um... I was just thinking that I don't like anyone else apart from you. And maybe sometimes Regulus. And I was wondering... is there anyone else you like?"

"Apart from you? My Dad... some of the teachers at school are okay. So just you and Dad really" he said quietly "Why?"

"Just wondering" Remus's eyes lingered on him again. "Honestly, there was no other reason"

"I know." He muttered defensively. Eyes now flickering nervously at everything around Sirius.

"You were staring!" snapped Sirius.

"Didn't mean to" he tucked his knees up to his chest "Sorry" and rested his chin on his knees. Saying something else Sirius didn't quite hear.

"What?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Why would you say something that didn't matter. If you said it, that means it must have mattered." Remus didn't reply that time, he just sighed and flopped back on the grass yawing.

"S'too hot today"

"I wish I'd put shorts on." Sirius grumbled. Remus sat up and huffed. Then flopped back down again. Before he sat up again and pulled his t-shirt off. His torso was paper white and looked just as fragile. He was skinny enough that you could clearly see the outline of every rib. His ribcage stuck out much further than his stomach.

"Jesus Remus, you look like a bloody xylophone" Remus frowned and rolled over onto his stomach, poking his tongue out as he did. This time Sirius saw more than just the one circular scar, because no matter what Remus said, that, _they_, were not birthmarks. He saw three, in a perfect line down the boy's spine, that burned an angry red and were puckered and white in the centre. They were like three target signs. Sirius reached down lying one hand on Remus's neck, without thinking and pressed his index finger against one of the scars. The skin was tougher and tighter, feeling almost leathery.

Remus gasped and rolled away, stumbling to stand and haphazardly tugging his t-shirt on. He stood for a moment, panting and looking extremely shocked and angry. About as much emotion Sirius had ever seen Remus have. Remus who usually only ever wore a blank expression that occasional flickered with sadness, fear or a tiny smile or frown. In some ways, it made a nice change.

"Don't touch them." He said. Like he was a parent snapping at a sticky child in a clothes shop. His glare bored into Sirius, who flinched.

"I'm sorry"  
"Don't touch them. You're not to touch them. They're just birthmarks. But. Don't touch them." He said, failing to keep his voice as even and intense as the glare. It gurgled frantically. He was looking all around again, his breath not slowing he let out a hacking cough and began to run. And Sirius followed till Remus got to a very far away tree, which he collapsed against, his hands balled up into fists and wrapped in his hair. Sirius crouched and, very gently, placed a hand on Remus's arm. Remus sucked his breath sharply through his teeth and flinched away, he shuddered, whined, his breathing too fast.

"Remus calm down!" he said, Remus shoved him and stumbled away, shaking his head.

"Don't touch don't touch don't touch don't touch don't touch-"

"Stop it! I'm not touching you! I'm nowhere near you!" Shouted Sirius. Remus was now bent over, still muttering, more to himself than to Sirius. More begging than muttering.

"Please stop it don't touch don't touch don't touch me please"

"I'm not! Stop it! What's wrong with you!" barked Sirius, helplessly standing by while Remus gurgled and broke and let out a few very wheezy high breaths, coughing and spluttering. Making all the sounds a crying person would make. He let his breathing steady, before sitting back down, calm, his face bone dry, his eyes not even blood shot.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly. "Sorry" he repeated "I... sorry" he blushed. Sirius stared, his jaw slack.

*

It was two days before they spoke again. Something of a record. When Sirius worked up the nerve to knock on Remus's door again, things returned to normal. Apart from the blush that didn't want to leave Remus's cheeks.

Sirius couldn't help but worry about the scars. Anyone would.

*

Remus didn't remember much about that day. He remembered going out with Sirius, walking. He remember it being too hot, stopping, taking off his t-shirt. Then he remembered sticky heat on his neck and a finger on his-

Then the field he was in melted away. And he was _standing_ _on the pavement, by the old wood and a lot of bushes. Feeling pleased because he'd only walked alone a few times before._

_Gloved hands on his mouth and over his eyes. Dragging. The smell of smoke and leather. Skin rough against his lips. A squeal and a half hearted bite answered with the smell of burning fabric and-_

That was usually where Remus managed to force himself awake, when he had the dreams, flashbacks his doctors had called them, then he would scream and shake and Daddy would run in. He crouch beside Remus's bed and tell him everything was going to be alright. Nothing was going to hurt him again. He would try not to hug Remus. They used to hug. A lot. Remus used to hug anyone.

he did not wake up at that point.

_- sharp sickly pain that made his back lurch and his stomach do the same. It stung for longer than he expected. Then the hands moved and he started to cry. He tried to run. The crunch of his feet against the dry leaves on the ground. In the wood. Dark but somehow light. A smash and a pain that makes his vision go blank for a moment-_

And if not at the last point, it was here he managed to wake himself up. Here that he would scream and shake. Here that Daddy would come and Everything Was Going To Be Alright.

But it was carrying on further than he'd ever allowed it.

_- pain more aching and familiar than that strange, sharp sickly one, rolling on his back. Thud of heavy footsteps and a shadow over him. The dragging of material down his legs his shirt being tugged up. Rolled onto his stomach. A face he couldn't quite see and the sun in his eyes before he was turned round. Hands on him. Everywhere on him. Everywhere and all over and just get them off. Please stop touching don't touch stop- _

"Remus calm down!"_- it stop it stop it please stop it don't don't don't touch don't-_

"Stop it! I'm not touching you! I'm nowhere near you!" _– touch don't touch don't stop touch. Screaming again. That sharp sick pain again. Just don't touch._

"I'm not! Stop it! What's wrong with you!"_ A low purring laugh and a growl of __**Scream again, and I'll -**_

He managed to make it stop that time. He woke up. But he didn't remember anything. After he woke up, after he was out of the wood. He didn't remember speaking to Sirius again or how he got home. What he had for tea that night or what he did afterward.

He was in bed and soaked with sweat. This wasn't anywhere near the first time this had happened before. He'd told daddy about it the first time Daddy had said he needed professional help. Daddy had an argument on the phone with someone Remus didn't know. Remus sat quietly and pretended he was somewhere else.

What Remus remembered a few days later, was the moment before Sirius touched his scar. Sirius had touched his neck. And Remus hadn't minded Sirius's hand on his neck. He'd sort of felt like maybe he wanted Sirius to touch him. When he thought about Sirius touching him, it made him feel funny. And not funny in a bad way.

*

_November 24__th __1972_

"Happy Birthday Sirius" called Regulus, dropping what could only be a present on Sirius's stomach. He poked Sirius in the cheek. "I said, Happy Birthday Sirius" Sirius swatted at his hand and told his brother to sod off. "All of ten hours you've been a teenager and you're already all moody. It's Ten o'clock get up" He poked Sirius in the cheek again "Come on, there's presents!"

"How many" Said Sirius, finally deciding he would allow Regulus the privilege of one open eye.

"Don't know... some"

"What's for breakfast?"

"Spanish omelette"

"I'm up"

*

"Happy Birthday my love" said mum placing a loving kiss on his forehead.

"Mum! I'm a bit old for that now!" he snapped, wiping the kiss away. Mum rolled her eyes, her nostrils flaring quickly.

"What did Regulus get you then?"

"A new shirt... thanks mum"

"No Sirius, that was Regulus's present to you" she warned.

"I wanted to get you a fire truck." He smiled broadly

"How you passed the eleven plus, I'll never know" sneered Sirius. Regulus pouted and flopped moodily down onto a seat at the kitchen table. Sirius soon joined him and Mum placed three plates of omelette down on the table.

"Would you like to say grace Sirius?" Mum asked gently placing the good silver wear in the centre of the table.

"Where's Dad's?" asked Regulus

"Your father is away on business and thus will not be having breakfast."

"He's away on my birthday? You've got to be joking!" Sirius stabbed moodily at his omelette. Mum shook her head "Jesus Christ" he muttered "What the hell does he even do?" Mum pursed her lips and slammed her fork down on the table.

"Sirius I know it's your birthday and I understand how you must be feeling._ But_ we do not take the Lord's name in vain in this house!" she drawled angrily. Nostrils flaring dangerously this time.

"But it's my birthday! And the prat hasn't even-"

"Sirius. Honour they father and thy mother." She said through clenched teeth, making sure to pronounce every

"Sod off. He's a prat."

"Temper!" She snarled, her eyes flashing "I would hate to have to punish you on your birthday Sirius" she raised her brow high on her head. Sirius stuck his tongue out. She slapped him across the cheek.

"Behave." Sirius scowled down at the table. "Your aunts will be arriving later and your cousins. Your siblings too"

"All of them?" whined Regulus.

"Yes, Regulus. All of them." Regulus moaned and kicked the table leg.

"I'll have no attitude. No attitude from either of you." They scowled and pouted at the table "Do you hear me" she snapped "_either of you."_ Regulus and Sirius exchanged a look.

"Yes Mum." They sung in unison.

"Good." She smirked. "Now, Sirius, would you like to say grace?"

*

They ate and Sirius opened his presents. Relatively good haul. Lots of books and sweets, a few shirts, some pants and some trousers. Then Mum made him go upstairs and put on his new clothes - which were itchy, by the way – he brushed his teeth and then combed his hair. When he came down stairs, mum combed his hair again because Sirius hadn't done it properly. She did the same to Regulus.

It was ten minutes after the obsessive hair re-combing brothers and sisters started to file in. Antlia, Lyra and Corvus who were in their thirties and late twenties (Sirius couldn't remember exactly how old any of them were), who Sirius and Regulus hardly ever saw because they were married or busy or something. Cygnus and Caelum who lived somewhere in London and rarely made the trip up to the family home, Aldebaran who had just finished university and Alcyone who was a year in.

And then it was the doddering aunts. Some doddering because they were far older than Mum, other he supposed were far younger. His youngest Aunt was only about twenty four.

They fussed and they fawned and they kissed and they remarked on how handsome he was and how much he looked like his grandfather or to his _great_ disdain, his recently arrived cousin, Bellatrix. Who smothered him (maliciously) in crimson coloured kisses and smelt like musky perfume and cigarettes.

At least, when he looked on the bright side, Remus would be round soon.

His and his father's arrival was signalled by a rather weak knock on the door answered by one of Sirius's confused cousins.

"Oi! Auntie Mary! Friend's here" he called running his fingers through short dark hair, shooting Sirius a wink before running back into the kitchen. Sirius pushed past a crowd of people till he reached Remus and John, his mother closely following behind him.

"Morning Mary" said John with a wide smile "Happy Birthday lad" he laughed as he handed Mum a bottle of wine, judging by the flicker of horror on his mum's face, it was quite cheap. "Teenager eh? They grow up so bloody fast don't they?"

"Hmm" Mum smiled down at Sirius. "John, have you ever met my youngest sister Rachael? She's a good five years younger than you. Very pretty." John grinned and shook his head and Mum looked down at Sirius then at Remus "Well. Run along then" she said taking John by the arm and leading him into the throng of relatives.

"C'mon Remus, let's go up to my room" he said nodding his head at the stairs behind them. Remus smiled and followed him up. Sirius was careful to slam the door behind him as moodily as possible.

"Fucking hell," (the day Sirius Black had discovered swearing had been a glorious, fuck filled one and he'd never looked back.) "it's like Hell on Earth down there"

"Lot of people" Remus muttered, sitting on the edge of Sirius's bed, Sirius leant on the door. "You look nice" Remus said, smiling.

"Thanks" he smiled back "new stuff, you know" he tweaked his shirt and felt his face heat up/ He wasn't sure why.

"What else did you get?"

"A lot of books and sweets and clothes. That's it really" he huffed. "Clothes. She brings me new clothes every fucking week, why does she think I want them for my birthday?"

"Dunno. They are nice though" Remus picked up a book and absent mindedly flipped through it.

"Remus... book's upside down"

"It is?" he went crimson "Oops." Remus's whole, not really being able to read thing, was just kind of a given now. They both knew he couldn't. Remus didn't deny it any more, Sirius helped him with his school work as much as he could and didn't ask questions.

"Look... Remus... erm... this thing. The you and reading thing... School's still not helping you are they?" Sirius said tentatively. Remus shrugged.

"Said there are other people who need it more than me"

"What does that mean?"

"I dunno... like the proper special needs kids and stuff. I just don't read so well." He shrugged again and twiddled with his hair, which was too long now, and went over his eyes. Remus usually tried to tuck it behind his ears but it always fell forward again, like a curtain in the breeze. Sirius wondered what Remus's hair might feel like.

"Do you want me to help?" Sirius asked, edging closer to Remus.

"Help with what? Reading and stuff?"  
"yeah. I reckon I could help. I reckon I could have you reading really well" Sirius grinned as Remus did.

"You really reckon?"

"Honestly. I really do" Sirius smiled and almost out an arm round Remus. He'd been careful not to touch him since what happened in summer. They sat quietly for a moment. Sirius was watching Remus's lips, as he nibbled on them quickly then swept his tongue across his bottom lip and swallowed.

"Oh. Present." Remus mumbled. Arching his back so his hips were in the air. He pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket, and placed it in Sirius's outstretched hand. It was very warm.

"My favourite" He grinned and opened it, snapping off a segment and popping it in his mouth.

"I know" Remus smiled a small smile and swept his tongue across his bottom lip again.

"Wanna bi'?" asked Sirius, waving the chocolate at Remus. Remus shook his head.

"It's your present. Sorry it's a bit rubbish but... Dad's not got a job again" Remus rubbed his eyes "We could barely afford food this month" Remus mumbled. His voice more strained than usual. Sirius decided to change the subject.

"Remus?" he said, swallowing his chocolate.

"What?"

"Why can't you read?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do you mean? Why can't you read. It's the first thing they teach you at school. Why can't you read?"

"... I didn't go to school for a while. Mummy home schooled me" Sirius winced when Remus said mummy without realising. He'd heard him call John "Daddy" once or twice, but he'd never brought it up.

"Why didn't she teach you to read"

"She tried. I couldn't do it. Too stupid. She'd just get annoyed and end up reading to me. Then we'd draw or go to an art gallery. She was an artist, my mum."

"Oh Remus... I hadn't realised she was..."

"She was what?"

"You know... dead"

"She's not dead... at least I don't think she is"  
"Where is she then?" Sirius asked. Remus merely shrugged and opened the book again. Elbowing Sirius and asking him what the third word said. Sirius told him it was Ishmael. Remus thought it was a funny name.

_AN: This took SO long to write, it's not even excusable. I still love you all though =]_


	4. Chapter 4

Remus slept over that night. They sat up for a long time on Sirius's bed while the party went on down stairs. Sirius lay against his head board and Remus sat cross legged at the foot of the bed, they hardly moved for hours. Remus asked Sirius if it was fun having so many brothers and Sisters. Sirius told him he didn't see half of the, and he didn't like any of them much.

"I'm quite glad I'm an only child" Remus said quietly. Sirius shrugged.

"Fair enough. I'd think it'd get lonely though"

"I used to be. I've got you now" Remus smiled and rested his hands on his knees, starting to drum his fingers on his thighs.

And when they went to sleep that night, long after the guests had left, Sirius on his bed, Remus on the floor, Sirius dreamt about knees and fingers and hands and thighs. And woke up with sticky sheets.

*

_January 8__th__ 1973_

Remus tugged a red woollen hat over his head and wrapped a watching scarf round his neck. He zipped up his old coat, which had too short sleeves and was torn in a few places, and slipped on red mittens and blue wellington boots. It had been snowing in random heavy flurries almost every day since New Years. It was just about ankle deep last time Remus had been outside. He now waited in the living room, crouched by the oven with his dad. The boiler was broken and they couldn't afford to repair it.

Sirius knocked on the door at eight o'clock in a brand new coat, scarf and gloves, almost knee deep in snow, declaring school had been closed till further notice.

"Why? Only a bit of snow" muttered Daddy, grabbing a third dressing gown and draping it round his shoulders.

"The roads are really bad and the traffic's mental. Almost everyone comes by car." Sirius thought for a moment "Oh and I think there's been a bi power cut as well" He looked at the light switch to the left of his head and flipped it on and off, the light didn't flip on and off with it. "See? Power's out everywhere." Sirius smiled "You wanna come out and play?" Remus looked approvingly at Daddy, who shrugged.

"Fine with me." He smiled "Just try not to get soaked and don't be out all day. I don't want either of you getting a cold."

"We'll be alright Mr. Lupin. C'mon Remus" Sirius urged, trotting out the door, Remus closing it behind them. They began to walk to the park. It was snowing, not too heavily, but the snowflakes were big and clumped together and fell like feathers. They peppered Sirius's black hair and black coat, melting when they hit rosy cheeks. Remus smiled and watched more snowflakes fall onto Sirius. They stopped at the park. Sirius said something, but Remus wasn't really paying attention. Sirius rolled his eyes, bent down and tossed a hard snow ball into Remus's face.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, I did say do you want to have a snowball fight"

"Well I wasn't paying attention"

"Well it serves you right for being so gormless doesn't it?"

"Oi! I'm not gormless" he snapped. It was very quiet, but still a snap.

"Do you even know what gormless means?" giggled Sirius. Remus picked up a hand full of snow and chucked it at him, then ran off.  
"Git!" Sirius called after him. Judging by the squeaky crunch on the ground, Sirius was also running and not too far behind him. He caught up with Remus, grabbed him round the waist and knocked him face first to the ground. Sirius lying on top of him, arms still round his waist.

And Remus was very surprised that he didn't feel sick. His stomach felt funny, but not sickly funny. He didn't shudder or push Sirius away. Everything accept his toes felt very warm. Sirius muttered a swear word and rolled off him.

"Fuck... Remus, I forgot. You alright mate?" He asked frantically before spluttering "Sorry I didn't mean to... I... sorry! Come on! Say something don't go all weird again"

"M'fine" Remus muttered "S'alright, m'fine"

"You're fine? You're sure?"

"Yeah, fine." He shuddered. "Help me up" Sirius looked at him carefully. His eyes ran up and down Remus. Then he took Remus's arm and pulled him up.

"... You're - you're perfectly fine?" Sirius's cheeks were rosier now. The snow melted on his cheeks.  
"Perfectly." Remus nodded "And I do know what gormless means"  
"Really?" asked Sirius, Remus could see him lifting his eyebrows beneath his hair

"... no" he sighed "tell me"

"It just means like... you're like" Sirius made a face, his mouth open and tongue lolling out. His eyelids heavy

"Oh right. I get it" Remus smiled. There were a group of girls entering the park just as Sirius suggested they make a snowman. Arguing (with himself really, Remus didn't mind) that no one was ever too old for snow men. The girls pointed and giggled. And all the way through building the snowman (Sirius named him Remius. Remus said that was stupid. Sirius told him to fuck off.), they pointed and giggled.

Finally a small blonde girl, with leaked black stuff round her eyes and smudged sparkly stuff on her lips and eyelids trotted over and tapped Sirius on the back.

"Hi Sirius" she said with a smile

"Hi... do I know you?"

"Sort of. You're in my maths group. I'm Tracy Peg"

"Oh."

"I'm friends with Marlene McKinnon." She pointed to a much taller girl, with long dark brown hair and a long purple coat, with a matching hat. Remus could see she was very pretty from where he was standing. She blushed and waved. She and the rest of the girls giggled. "Marlene really fancies you"

"She does? Oh... alright"

"She wants to go out with you"

"Erm... right"

"Do you want to go out with her?"

"Erm... well... she's pretty and everything but... I've like... never spoken to her"

"So? Do you want to go out with her or not?"

"... well... no" Sirius frowned at her and Tracy shot him the dirtiest look.

"Fine then." She snapped. Turning around, she shrugged and called "Sorry Marley!" and Marlene stomped away, looking hurt and embarrassed. Sirius shook his head and pressed to rocks into the snowman's head.

"Weirdoes" he muttered. Remus sighed and watched his breath curl away like smoke. Sirius pulled a glove off and drew a smile on the snowman with his finger and pulled the glove back on, breathing on his hands then stuffing them under his armpits.  
"That was bad idea" he muttered. The wind blew and the snow picked up. Remus's face stung, the cold biting at him. "Fucking freezing" Sirius said shuddering. Remus walked across to him. His feet were numb, Sirius's lips were red and swollen, his cheeks scarlet, his eyes brighter than the clouds above them. Remus put his hand on Sirius's shoulder and leaned toward him. Sirius frowned. Their lips came together, both frozen, dry and chapped. Remus moved back and blushed.

"What d'you do that for?" asked Sirius. Sounding half annoyed, still frowning. Remus shrugged.

"Dunno... just... felt like it"

"Oh... okay" Sirius traced a gloved hand over his lips. "Let's go back to mine. I'm freezing"

*

Sirius didn't ask Remus anything more about... he supposed you would call it a kiss, but for what could only be _described_ as a very light brush of very dry lips, it had buried it's way deeply into Sirius's mind.

He thought about it a lot. An awful lot.

It was the first time Remus had touched him. Touched him voluntarily, anyway.

He thought a lot about Remus's hands in frayed red mittens pressing on his shoulders. And about the flush on his cheeks that had less to do with the cold and more to do with... Sirius himself, he supposed.

What worried him though, was that he just wanted to touch Remus now. Like he'd only just noticed how thin and pale and sad he was. How badly he needed protecting. How much Sirius wanted to protect him. But Remus would always shudder and shiver and look almost disgusted by touch.

He reminded Sirius of butterflies and the way they flutter around you in summer, how easy it seemed to reach out and grab one, how much he wanted to close his hand around its tiny beating wings. But no matter how hard he tried to hold on, the butterfly escaped, because he held too loose.

Or, he would hold too tight. Crush it.

_March 30__th__ 1973_

Sirius woke up that night to the sound of shouting and banging. He trotted quietly down the stairs and down the long hallway. He listened out for the voices and realised they were coming from the kitchen. He pressed his ear up against the door.

"Bills bills bills Mary. I'm away for three days and come home to more bills." Dad growled, slamming his hands on the kitchen table. "What is the matter with you woman? All you do is spend!"

"I hardly have anything else to do" Mum whined

"Get more involved with the church."

"Get more involved with the church? More involved? We'll be moving in if I get any more involved Orion." She snarled. Sirius heard him bang on the table again

"Take up fucking baking or sewing! Act like a real wife!"

"Orion. You knew when you married me I was not raised for such a... a domestic life.

"Why should I suffer because your parents expected you to marry into a family with_ more_ money?"

"If you wanted someone to cook pie and darn your socks, you should have married some little country girl"

"Perhaps I should have. I imagine a little country girl wouldn't disgrace her husband with her excessive spending!"  
"This! Coming from a man who's out doing goodness knows what every night. Coming home smelling like booze and-" her voice faltered "and perfume"

"Well. Seems like you're forgetting the nights I would come back to the house. Back to seven children and Walburga. Smelling like your father's booze and _your _perfume."

"...I was twenty. I thought Walburga was dead. You told me Walburga was dead!"

"Yes well. She is now, isn't she. No doubt her illness was brought on by the shock of her finding out about the two of us"

"Don't you even think about blaming me. Don't you dare."

"But Mary, my love. It's true. I regret that you know. Telling her."

"... stop it"

"because if I hadn't, she'd probably still be alive. She would have been a better mother to Sirius and Regulus than you."

"Stop it. I'm their mother. Not her. They'd never have existed if she hadn't have died."

"Sirius would have. You're useless Mary. You're a tart, a girl who'll spread her legs for anyone who looks like they have more than crown in their bank account"

"Not for anyone Orion. Only for you. Only ever for you" she said weakly. He carried on like he hadn't heard her.

"And as if to top it all off, you're baron as a desert _now_, aren't you?" With that. Said only with spite and nothing more, Sirius heard the click clack of mum's high heels. He dashed down the corridor and lay flat against a wall, he heard the heels trot up stairs and a door slam. He heard dad open up a cupboard, then another and pour a drink.

They fought a lot more that week.  
Mum told Sirius it might be best if he stayed at the Lupin's on Saturday evening. So he packed a bag and set out for his friend's.

*

_April__2__nd__ 1973_

"Evening mate" Said Sirius, with a big smile.

"Sirius... you shouldn't be out this late" Remus muttered

"This late? It's six o'clock" Sirius laughed. Remus tightened his lips. "Any way, is it alright if I stop here this weekend? Dad's in and him and mum are fighting a lot. So she sent me over here"

"Oh. That's alright." He stepped aside and Sirius trotted in, pulling his bag off his shoulders and letting it drag on the floor. "What about Regulus?"

"At Aunt Helen's. We going up to your room?" Sirius asked brightly

"Yeah, s'pose." They walked through the living room to a narrow hall way, with its familiar peeling wallpaper and patches of damp and stomped up the stairs. "Where's your dad?"

"Work."

"He got another job?"

"Yeah. Factory... did I not tell you?"

"Nope. And I haven't forgotten, you don't say much so I don't forget much you say" Sirius flung his bag forward and hit Remus on the arse as they got to the top the stairs. Remus snuffled with laughter and actually told him to fuck off. Sirius noted this as the first time Remus swore properly (that is, in a none, "Oh fuck me I just stubbed my toe" sense). Remus perched on the edge of his bed and Sirius sat cross legged on the floor.  
"How's the reading coming on?" asked Sirius casually, pointing to the stack of books Sirius had given Remus for his birthday.

"It's hard without you."

"Well it's bound to be"

"The letters are just..." He screwed up his face shook his hands in frustration "I don't understand how you can... look at it and... know it"

"Hmm..." Sirius thought for a moment "maybe you've just got bad eyesight or something" Remus shrugged "Which one are you reading?" Remus picked up the book on the top and Sirius sat next to him on the bed. A cover with a white background and the smiling face of a boy at the bottom, a man in a top hat perched on the crook of his arm. There was a bar of chocolate at the top, which read _"Charlie and The Chocolate Factory" _in fancy lettering. "This was my favourite the first time I read it" Sirius smiled fondly at the book. Remus frowned

"How old were you?"

"Not important really" Sirius said hastily. Telling Remus he'd read the book in a night at the age of four would crush his confidence. "Um, how far are you in?"

"page twenty eight"

"That's good"

"it didn't start till page eleven" he mumbled with a little frown.

"Well... I don't know how to do this really." Sirius deliberated the situation for a while, watching Remus scrutinise his face, as if trying to read his thoughts. "Why don' you read aloud to me and tell me when you get stuck?"

"m'kay..." Remus flicked the book open "The not... no... the n..." He sighed "m'stuck" he pointed to the word next.

"Next."

"Oh... oops... The next evening, Grampojo... Grampo?... Grampojo... um bollocks"

"That's Grandpa Joe, Remus"

"hmm." Remus continued to read. Arguing with himself over almost every word, till Sirius helped him. He would miss out words, mix up letters and run words together.

They gave up after an hour when Remus got a headache. They both concluded Remus should have his eyes tested.

*

They spoke for hours. Sirius recounted in near precise detail the argument his parents had had. Remus nodded and frowned in all the right places and didn't ask any questions. He didn't say much at all. He never did, really. Sirius sometimes felt guilty for talking so much, in case Remus wanted to speak but just couldn't get a word in edgeways. He did try to ask Remus questions but all he usually got were short, yes or no, answers or shrugs. Sirius couldn't find the right questions to get him talking. Sirius had a lot to say though and Remus never seemed to get bored with him.

"Your Mum alright?" he asked, finally.

"I think so. I dunno. My mum's always been a bit... not very mum-ish. She just looks sad whenever dad's around now. Dad kept digging at her for being baron all of today."

"What does that mean?"

"It means she can't have any more kids, because something went wrong when Regulus was born, I think."

"Oh. That's sad"

"No it's not. I'd probably have like... eight more little brothers or sisters. I'd have even more but Mum had a miscarriage between me and Regulus."

"What's one of those?"

"When your baby dies while you're pregnant. I overheard her talking about it to Alcyone a few years ago" Remus opened his mouth, before he could ask Sirius added "My youngest older half sister"

"Your family's complicated" Remus mumbled. Sirius shrugged.

"S'not that complicated. Dad married a woman called Walburga in the forties. They had seven kids. She died. Dad got remarried to mum had me and Regulus."

"That's pretty complicated. And then there's all of your aunties and cousins and uncles. And all that stuff in that argument they had."

"Well, I suppose with all of that added on my family is fairly complicated" Sirius smirked "At least I know where all of them are"

"Oi..."

"What happened to your Mum, Remus? You never told me about her properly" Sirius sat up hopefully. The question of Remus's mum had been niggling at him almost as much as the scars. Remus sighed, and frowned a little.

"Dad doesn't talk about her much. Upsets him. I don't 'member much. I was seven when she left. She was walking home with me one day and she stopped and said, Remus you keep walking home, I'll be back soon" he cleared his throat "Then I um..." he shuddered and screwed his eyes tight shut. "She never did come back though. Dad thinks she just had enough. Went back to her parents in France"

"Your mum's French?"

"Yeah. She came over here to do like a school thing in art. Don't know what. She was young and so was Dad and they fell in love and mum got pregnant with me. Then I know she had to leave school, 'cause she used to talk about it a lot." He heaved a great sigh and started to fumble around in the draw of his bedside table. "She said she was going to be famous. She told me she was going to take me away with her. I'd ask her what about Daddy. She'd laugh" He pulled out a slightly battered, black and white photo and handed it to Sirius. "That's her". Sirius looked closely at the photograph. A boy and a girl, barely out of their teens if that, they were sat at Remus's kitchen table, it looked a lot sturdier and cleaner, the boy, who must have been John, was grinning. He had his hair neatly cropped then and he was wearing a t-shirt that was a little too tight (Sirius's mum would not have approved). He looked fit and healthy and happy and his nose wasn't broken yet. He looked handsome.

Sirius's eyes drifted to the girl sitting next to him. Sirius had seen photos of his own mum, and her friends and sisters, during the fifties, they were all in light looking skirts and dress, with lots of pearls and petticoats, with neat beehive hair, perfect make up and pearly smiles, but this girl, Remus's Mum, was an entirely different animal. If Sirius were to describe her looks in one word, the word would be striking.

She was very sullen looking, sneering at the camera like it had just said something very stupid. She had a long thin nose, which may have been slightly hooked, and a gaunt pointed face. There was a cigarette dangling from her full, disdainful mouth. Her hair hung dark, long and unruly to her shoulders and it kinked and waved toward the end, as far as Sirius could tell her complexion was dark as well. She was probably wearing black clothes, a polo neck and trousers.

It was her eyes that struck him the most though. Even though the picture was not in colour, he could see how pale they must have been, almost blending with the whites of her eyes so only her pupils were visible. They were the exact same shape as Remus's. Her mouth was the same shape as his as well but he had his Dad's nose, a lot smaller and upturned, and his jaw was stronger than hers.

"She looks a lot like you" Sirius smiled and gave the photo back "She's beautiful" Remus stared at the photo wistfully and sighed. "What's her name?"

"Sylvie"

"That's nice"

"hmm"

"Do you think she'll ever comeback?"

"... if she did... she wouldn't stay. 'specially now Dad's into church and stuff."

"If she loved your dad she wouldn't mind. I mean, I know church is boring and stuff but it's not that bad."

"She used to tell me it was evil. That stupid people just used it as an excuse for starting wars... plus, we're catholic now and she was Jewish anyway... don't know if they'd let her in."

"Hmm... dunno..." Sirius crinkled his nose wondering if they would let a Jew into the church. Especially after everything his parents had said about them "...My parents don't like Jews"

"Your parents don't like anything" Remus had a tiny smirk on his face.

"Oi! No matter how true that is, that's still my mum you're talking about" Sirius giggled

"What about your dad?"

"Say what you want about that prat" Sirius laughed again and Remus, very tentatively, joined in. Sirius brushed his hair from his eyes and placed his hand back down on the bed. Remus was staring at the photograph again. A plump bottom lip jutting and trembling ever so slightly as he did.

And Sirius was overflowed by a want. No, a need, to wrap his arm around Remus. To capture the butterfly. So, slowly, tentatively, he raised his arm, at the same time, shutting his eyes. He lay his arm across the smaller boy's shoulders, curled his hand around the top of his bony arm and tried not to crush the Butterfly.

To his surprise, he felt no shudder or shiver or calls of _don't touch, don't touch, don't touch, _Remus was still. Sirius felt him shift. But, then, soft hair met his neck and tickled. He felt breath on his collar bone. Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus's head resting on his shoulder. He raised his other arm and lay it across Remus's chest, the boy's breath hitched, and let that hand meet the other. Remus cleared his throat.

"This is the first hug I've had in six years" he said quietly. Sirius felt him smile.

_I know... this has taken a while... sorry :(_

_Reviews would be nice though..._

_Really really nice..._

_And they don't take long to write *cough* *cough*_


	5. Chapter 5

_April 28__th__ 1973_

"Hello there" The priest said with a smile on his voice. Sirius could tell through the mesh screen, and by the clear, crisp voice, it was Father Bartemius Crouch. A tidy, middle aged, very middle class man, new to their church. Father Bartemius's brother used to be his Father's accountant, not any more, though. Sirius heard him shouting at the man on the phone, calling him a thief, a liar and a cheat.

"Um... Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first proper confession"

"What do you mean, _proper_ confession" he said cautiously.

"Well... normally I just come in a makeup things to confess to make my mum happy... actually, I suppose that's a sin, isn't it"

"Yes. Honour thy Father and Thy Mother. You shouldn't lie to your parents"

"I know. Anyway.... I lie sometimes and I blaspheme a lot and that's it really for the non specific ones. Oh, impure thoughts as well. But um... mostly it's the impure thoughts about my friend I want to confess... I want to talk about them... this is the only place I could think to go"  
"You're always welcome here" he said kindly. Sirius relaxed a little.  
"Great. Anyway, I've been having lots impure thoughts about a friend... sorry about that." He said shyly. He still wasn't a hundred percent sure how to go about with confession. He still wasn't a hundred percent sure he was doing anything wrong.

"Well... it is difficult to rid yourself of impure thoughts, perhaps you could say a prayer every time you have one"

"See that's hard. Because I have the thoughts every time I see Re- him and I see him a lot."

"Him?"

"Yes Father..." he dropped his eyes to his shoes. The Priest responded almost instantly.

"I suggest, strongly suggest, you don't see your friend for a while"

"I can't do that. He's all I have"

"You are aware that God does not approve of any, ah, any... _relations_ with a man. Any at all"

"Yes Father. Quite painfully aware" Sirius chewed his lip. He wasn't exactly planning to have _relations_ with Remus, that would surely be pushing things too far. Sirius imagined... _that_ would be a little too much for a boy who could hardly bare physical contact as it was. On top of that, Sirius wasn't exactly sure how two boys went about doing _that_, in the first place.

Father Bartemius looked at him through the mesh of the small window in the confessional. Only his outline visible.

"Is your friend aware of these thoughts?" The Priest's voice was nervous and tentative beneath all its sharpness. Sirius released his lip from his teeth to answer.

"... Honestly? I'm not sure. I think he has them as well, to a degree. I'm the only person he lets touch him" Sirius said, ignoring the little pang of pride he felt as he spoke. Some of the nervousness – the fear – in Father Bartemius's voice faded, replaced with a kind of snappy anger.

"What do you mean by... touch him?"

"Oh, only in a hugging, arm around sense. Strictly platonic, Father, no need to worry... actually..." Sirius sat back and furrowed his brow in thought "would you class hugging as platonic?"

"Yes I suppose... depends on how long" the Priest sounded a bit more relaxed now.

"What about... If it was for most of a night" Sirius shuffled on the small seat "All night"

"That's not platonic" The priest sighed and there was a long pause.

"... what should I do Father?"

"Stay away from him. And since you aren't going to do that" he sighed again "Read Genesis, chapter one, verses and 28 and say a Hail Mary" Sirius watched the priest's outline, he massaged his temples and seemed unable to stop sighing. Sirius fumbled for the bible he knew was kept somewhere in the confessional and flipped the thin crackling pages till he reached the correct passage. Cleared his throat and began to read

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."

"Very good. I take it you understand that passage?"

"Yes Father. Perfectly" he muttered, tearing off the corner of that page and letting it flutter to the floor.

"Very good. And your hail Mary" Father Bartemius paused again and added "In Latin" Sirius rolled his eyes and suppressed a sigh. He knew the prayer by heart in English, but in Latin...

"Erm... right... uh... Ave Maria, gratia plena... um" he stopped, mind drawing a complete blank.

"Dominus tecum." The priest muttered exasperatedly. Sirius laughed through nerves.

"Right! Dominus tecum, Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus... ah... fructus ventris? That's right isn't it?" he asked. The Priest responded curtly, voice dripping with contempt

"Yes, yes it is."

"Great. Um... Tui, Iesus. Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis... pecca...toribus... erm..." Sirius paused to remember the next part of the prayer. Father Crouch cut in, rather sharply

"nunc, et"

"I know! I was just thinking... Nunc, at in hora mortis nostrae. Amen" they sat in silence for a moment, Sirius kicking at the wall of the confessional "Can I go now?"

*

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, this is my first confession" Said the tiny quiet voice Bartemius instantly recognised as that of the Lupin boy. The boy who Sirius Black was always hanging round with. Things suddenly clicked into place. The boy sat in silence. Bartemius rolled his eyes, wondering why parents send their children into confessionals, not informing them of procedure beforehand.

"What would you like to confess?"  
"... nothing. I've not done anything wrong" He said quietly.

"Nothing? Absolutely nothing?"

"... no, I don't think so."

"You haven't lied lately? Blasphemed? Stolen? Cheated?" Bartemius could see the outline of the boy, he shook his head after every word "Indulged in impure thoughts and activities?"

"... nope. None of that"

"Are you sure? Absolutely no impure thoughts or activities"

"No... I'm only really in here because Dad's making me"

*

It was as if Remus was catching up on all the years without any physical contact.

The Sunday after Remus and Sirius went to confession, Father Bartemius preached about the sin of homosexuality and how God created men and women so they could "be fruitful and multiply". Sirius worried his lip through the sermon, Remus stared up at the stained glass windows, hardly listening. Sirius watched his eyes run over them, then fall to the ground, where the sunlight through the glass had painted the stone floor red and blues and yellows.

They hugged a lot now. Most days they would get home from school and curl up on Remus's bed. When they did they would never say much. Remus would fall asleep a lot, Sirius would watch his eyelids flutter and his chest rise and fall.

Sirius supposed it was from there things progressed. The hugging, if you could really call it that, resulted in Remus gently running his fingers through Sirius's hair, across his cheeks, letting his fingertips skitter down Sirius's spine, making him shiver. That always got Sirius hard and he could never tell if Remus noticed. He'd never dare ask. He'd simply quietly excuse himself and take care of it.

Sirius stuck to Remus like glue at school. Only one more year of them definitely being together in lessons, so Sirius hardly left his side. On the rare occasion he did, Remus would stumbled back to him with a bloodied nose and a frown, refusing to say who hit him.

Girls asked Sirius out a lot, they were always pretty but Sirius usually said no. He said yes, to one girl, Flora Yorke, who had light brown hair, blue green eyes and a small upturned nose. Sirius kissed her a few times, but it didn't feel right to him. Flora broke up with him pretty quickly.

A few girls even asked Remus out because, even though the boys were cruel, those few girls were a little fascinated by him. He was the shy, quietly good looking boy, who, everyone had recently discovered, had a surprising talent for art, that made people stand over him in lessons and tell him how good he was. Remus only grunting and blushing in response, his head dropping around startlingly life like drawings.

Sirius kept tight lipped in confession, only telling of lies, blasphemy and various other sins you might expect a teenage boy to commit . He even told the priest his impure thoughts had near vanished and he never thought about his friend anymore.

*

_February 1__st__ 1974_

"Will... there... be... an-any-t-h-thing, anything to cat... no... eat. Will there be anything to eat on- on-... Sirius?" Sirius sat up and peered at the sentence Remus had his finger on.

"Once"

"M'kay. Once... we... get t-h- there? Grandma... Jo-se-p-h… what sound does P-H make?"

"Ff. Don't you remember?" asked Sirius. Remus shook his head. "I think you missed a word out, again." Sirius sat up and looked over Remus's shoulder again "Yes, you did. It's "Asked Grandma Josephine" not just Grandma Josephine... did you ever get your eyes checked?" Remus shook his head. "Oh well... keep going, you're almost done" he grinned.

"I'm st- ar... ving... Starving! The w- h... whole... family... is starving!" Remus smiled "Any t-h thing... anything... I'll remember that next time. Anything to c- no. Eat? C-r... creed Charlie-"

"Cried, not creed"

"Oh... oops. Cried Charlie la... la... g- h... Sirius?"

"Laughing"

"Cried Charlie laughing. Oh, you I... no... J... just. You just wa- it... oh wait. You just wait and ad-an see!"

"Great! Oh, that was _and_ not ad-an, by the way. Ad-an isn't a word" Sirius laughed

"First book I've ever finished" Remus grinned, feeling like he'd never stop grinning, even though he had an awful headache.

"I'm so proud of you mate" Sirius beamed and hugged him quickly "Do you want to read something else?" Remus shook his head "Ah, headache" Sirius said. Remus nodded.

"Sirius... could you... read to me... please" Remus blushed. Sirius had such a nice voice now it had broken. It wasn't overly deep and it hardly cracked, unlike Remus's.

"Erm... alright" Sirius crawled over to his bed. They had been leant up against the radiator in Sirius's room, warming themselves up after spending a couple of hours out in the cold. "Is this alright?" asked Sirius, holding up a medium sized book, with a black and white photo of a young man on the cover. He had an odd hair cut, a half smile and a small moustache.

"What is it?"

"Poetry. Wilfred Owen... my Uncle Alphard got it for me at Christmas... I've only read a few poems so far" he flipped through the pages "Mostly about war. They're really good" He smiled shyly. Remus, all of a sudden, thought he looked just beautiful. Sirius crawled back over beside Remus, back against the radiator. Remus let his head fall on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius flipped through the book, till he found something he liked.

"This one looks good... Storm, it's called." Sirius cleared his throat  
"_His face was charged with beauty as a cloud  
with glimmering lightening, when it shadowed me  
I shook, and was uneasy as a tree  
That draws the brilliant danger, tremulous, bowed_... should I stop?" Remus looked up questioningly "should I find a different poem"

"No, keep reading this one" Remus said. He didn't understand the poem, really, he didn't care. But he liked watching Sirius lips move. He liked to hear his voice.

"Okay" Sirius half smiled, looking sort of strange  
"_So must I tempt that face to lose its lightening.  
Great Gods, whose beauty is death, will laugh above" _Remus shifted his right hand onto Sirius's left thigh. He gasped. But continued reading.

"_Who made his beauty lovelier than love.  
I shall be bright with their unearthly brightening"_

Sirius's thigh was burning hotter than the radiator on Remus's back. He let his hand trail higher, Sirius shivered. But continued reading. Remus kept his eyes fixed up his lips.

"_And happier were it if my sap consume;" _he was breathier than before, his voice a little shaken and higher.  
"_Glorious will shine the opening of my-" _Remus moved his hand higher, till he was touching Sirius _there. _Sirius gasped the word "heart!_" _and leapt up, dropping the book on the ground. He spluttered, his face bright red.

"Y-y-y... I..." he made a strange sound. A high pitched groan. "You should go... I think" Remus dropped his head as he stood. Keeping his eyes on the floor he began to walk out of the room. Sirius pacing and drumming his fingers on his forehead.  
"Wait" he said. Remus stopped dead with his hand on the door knob. "Just wait a second" he walked over to Remus, clicking the lock on his door . He didn't touch Remus, he just stood and stared. "Why did you do that?" he asked. Remus shrugged.

"You were... I'm sorry"

"But... you..." he sighed "Ah... fuck it" he placed his hand_s _either side of Remus's cheeks, bent down a little to his level and pressed their mouths together, pushing Remus's lips apart with his tongue and sweeping that tongue over Remus's bottom lip, then sucking at it with his lips and licking at it, before pulling back. His hands were tight on Remus's face.  
He smiled, nervous and apologetic. Remus grinned.

*

_March 10th 1974_

"Happy Birthday mate" Said Sirius with a wide grin, thrusting a square, solid packet into Remus's hands.  
"Book?" he guessed, with a shy smile.  
"Am I that predictable?"  
"no... s'just all rectangular and... hard" he smiled up at Sirius again and they half laughed, Remus biting his lip in a way that made Sirius think about things it's not generally a good idea to think about when your mum is standing right behind you.  
"Well come on then Sirius, move" snapped Mum, placing both her hands on his shoulders and guiding him into the Lupin's house. John was sat on the sofa in a scruffy shirt and jeans that would probably make Mum tighten her lips in annoyance.  
"Happy Birthday Remus, dear" she said kindly, bending to kiss Remus on the forehead. He stepped back and blushed and Mum looked moderately outraged.  
"I er..." he faltered. John leapt up from the sofa calling too enthusiastically  
"Why don't you boys go on up to Remus's room? Regulus here too?"

"No... he's at home with Orion" said Mum, her eyes narrowed at Remus.  
As they trotted up the stairs, Sirius could hear John explaining to Mum about Remus's "issues with physical contact" he smirked. Issues with physical contact with everyone but Sirius. Who the boy couldn't seem to stop touching. Even the thought of them touching made Sirius flush a little. The both sat on Remus's bed, Remus snapping the recently installed lock shut.  
"What did you get?" Sirius asked with a grin.  
"Not much... some drawing stuff... a bit of money in a card from my Grandma... that's all really" he looked at the book in his hands, wrapping begging to be torn into. "Oh" he said, with a small smile, carefully peeling the tape off the folds in the wrapping paper, and opening his present like it might combust when handled roughly. His eyes lit up ad he lifted the book,  
"Ch... char..."  
"Charlotte" Sirius said helpfully. Remus nodded and looked embarrassed.  
"Charlotte's web" he said with a happy nod. He shuffled and rested the book carefully on his bedside table.  
"So..." Sirius grinned "Fourteen eh?" he moved closers to Remus, pushing the hair off his face, Remus tucking it behind his ear himself. "I do have another present for you" he winked, Remus blushed, wet his lips and attached himself to Sirius. Sirius couldn't help but think they'd both gotten really rather good at kissing, snogging, really, as Remus's tongue probed his lips, separating them. Remus's tongue stroked his own, tentatively then, when Sirius flickered his tongue in response, enthusiastically. Sirius could taste toothpaste and smell soap and talcum powder.  
Every touch made his skin tingle, his arms breaking out in goose bumps as Remus's finger tips brushed his neck and he gasped when Remus nibbled his bottom lip. Remus pulled back.  
"Sorry... was that... was that wrong?"  
"... no. No! It was... it was good" Sirius smiled  
"I saw it on telly"  
"You don't have a telly"  
"I saw it on your telly when you fell asleep half way through that film"  
"Oh... the telly teach you anything else?" He asked excitedly. Remus shrugged, his face was flushed and his pupils were dilated, significantly darkening his eyes. He wound his fingers into Sirius's hair and they kissed again, Remus nibbling his lip again almost right away, this time Sirius groaned softly into Remus's mouth, stroking the other boy's tongue in return. He disconnected them again, earning a soft whine of annoyance from Remus. He moved his lips to Remus's neck, nipping the tender skin, covering the large pulsing artery there, Remus moaned ever so quietly, his shoulders rolling and hips raising slightly. Sirius did it again, getting a louder moan from Remus. He turned his attentions to the boy's ear lobe, where he scraped his teeth. Remus grunted again, pushing Sirius away, then down onto the bed. He crawled on top of Sirius, who grinned. They'd kissed lying down before, but it was more side by side than one being on top of the other. Remus smiled his little smile and leant his neck down to kiss Sirius. He was in an awkward position, Sirius's right leg between both of Remus's.  
Remus trailed a hand down Sirius's chest on top of his t-shirt, down to his stomach, the the waist band of his jeans. Sirius shivered his breathing sped up, Remus's hand continuing to move lower. Sirius bucked his hips into the touch. All of a sudden, the arm Remus was using to support himself shook and gave way, their hips colliding, Remus gasped, Sirius moaned.  
"You're... your... it's..." Remus said quietly.  
"can you... will you ... do it again?"  
"I... I don't know"  
"Sorry... we could stop"  
"No..." Remus said, still quiet. "No... I'll... get it" his voice was oddly flat and expressionless. Not that Remus was ever a hugely expressive person but he was never this... robotic. Even his movements were still now, as they slipped into Sirius's jeans, taking hold of him, squeezing and stroking. Sirius bucked into every touch but couldn't help but be bothered by the suddenly empty, blank look in suddenly pale eyes. There was a moment when this worry disappeared, climax causing him to practically launch himself upward, every muscle stiffened and spasmed, he bit back a moan, feeling like he might bite through his bottom lip if he was careful.  
He collapsed. Everything feeling heavy and suddenly very tired, he could've easily gone to sleep there and then if it weren't for Remus, sitting stiff on the bed, knees tucked under his chin as he watched Sirius's come slide down his hand, on to his arm.  
"... Remus?"  
"M'fine..."  
"You're still" Sirius cleared his throat "Do you want me to..?"  
"No. M'fine"

"No, it's okay I'll..." Sirius undid the other boy's jeans and slipped his hand inside them. Remus's eyes still blank. Barely flickering as Sirius took hold of his erection and began to stroke him. Sirius watched his face, Remus was still staring at the come sliding down his arm. His arm did drop a little, his face screwed up and he bit into his bottom lip, his brow creased and his eye lids fluttered shut, his cheeks flushing a little more. Sirius kissed his neck and his ear but Remus didn't really respond, his shoulders rolled slightly, nothing more. He released his bottom lip and whined softly, then groaned raising his hips.  
"God Remus..." he muttered "You look so..." he sighed "amazing, like this" his eyes flickered open for a moment, then closed again. His jaw slackened and quivered and he groaned loudly as he came, Sirius panicked and clapped his free hand over his friend's mouth, slipping his other hand out of Remus's jeans.  
Remus's breathing did slow down like his did, his muscles did not relax. He tensed. His breathing sped up.  
"Remus?" The boy shivered, and shuddered and muttered something under his breath. "Please don't do this"

*  
"Listen Mary... when he stepped away from you... he didn't mean to be rude" John sighed and pushed his hair back from his face. "He has a few issues with... with physical contact" he mumbled. "He doesn't even like me touching him"  
"I didn't..." She sighed and pursed her lips. Mary was a proud woman and rarely  
said what she was about to say. "I'm... I'm sorry" she raised her fingers to her lips and resisted the urge to bite her nails. Not only was she proud, she was also not used to the embarrassment that came along with making social faux pas.  
They stood in silence for a while, before curiosity got the better of Mary. Had it been anyone other than John she'd have held her tongue.  
"May I ask... may I ask why?" she said expectantly. John nodded and waved her sit at the kitchen table. He filled the kettle and set it on the stove, leaning against the door.  
"I'm honestly not sure. One day... I've not told this story in a while so... bear with me." He sighed and flopped down at the table, pushing his hands through his hair again. There were places where white was beginning to steadily thread itself into the blonde. His hands flopped to the table and he looked to her for reassurance. Mary nodded attentively and placed an encouraging hand on John's.  
"he told me a little bit... most of it, I picked up from him talking in his sleep. And when he was under hypnosis... they said to call it... ah... Regression therapy."  
He ran his tongue over dry lips. Mary tightened her hand on John's.

*

June 18th 1968

"Can we go to the museum tomorrow?" Asked Remus, tugging on Mummy's sleeve. Her hands were shaking. She looked down at him and her eyes were too bright.  
"We'll see"  
"And see the uniforms. The Naval ones. Those are the best" Remus said, he took  
hold of Mummy's hand. It was cold and clammy.  
"Hmm. Are zey." She replied, she sounded bored.  
"They're blue"  
"Yes"  
"I like blue"  
"Hmm" She looked away from him and looked behind her, then left the right. Remus always hated walking down the street they were on. It was all dark alleys and broken bottles and dirt. Like the street they lived on, only worse.  
"Are you okay mummy?" he asked. Because wasn't usually scared of this street. He held her hand tighter.  
"I am as fine as I am going to be in this place" She sighed, Remus didn't have to look at her face to tell she  
"What's wrong?"  
"Your father. Zee filthy suburbs... dingy little 'ouses... zey stifle me" she spat. Remus tugged her sleeve again.  
"What does that mean?"  
"Zey crush me. Zey... keep me down. Zey keep zee both of us down Remus." She looked down at him again, smiling this time "We are... creatives, artistes, no?" Remus nodded  
"What about Daddy?" he asked, tugging her sleeve again. She grabbed his hand, mid tug.  
"Your Daddy" she paused and put a cigarette in her mouth with her free hand, then lit it "...'e is not like us" she sighed, smoke curling from her lips. Remus frowned.  
"Grandma says I have his nose" Remus urged, Mummy frowned again.  
"Hmm... Yours isn't broken."  
"She says I'm lucky, that I missed out on getting your nose... I like your nose though. But I 'spose it is quite big"  
"Remind me zat, at some point, I must introduce you to the concept of tact" There was a call from one of the dark alleys and a tall broad man, in a dirty suede jacket with long knotted hair, trotted out, shouting mummy's name. Mummy walked faster, moving her grip to Remus's wrist and leading him forward. The man caught up with them, he put his gloved hands on mummy's shoulders and leans his head forward.  
"Sylvie, darling..." he purred into her ear. Her grip tightened on Remus's wrist. It hurt.  
"Aah. Fenrir, my love" she said nervously, planting a kiss on each of his cheeks. Holding his lips to his face longer than she usually would " 'ow are you?" she asked. He laughed again, his voice was raspy.  
"Cut the chat love. Where's my money?" he growled and took off a glove, Remus wondered what he was doing with gloves on in the first place. The man ran his hands through mummy's hair, his fingers stopped on her neck. She shuddered  
"Pardon?" she said, leaning away from his touch.  
"My money" he said  
"I paid you"  
"Bull shit" he snarled - Remus saw a few droplets of spit land on Mummy's neck – the man released mummy's shoulders, giving her a little shove as he did, he moved to stand in front of her.  
"Mummy..." Remus whined, trying to pull her back. Trying to pull her away.  
"Shhh! Remus!" she hissed, wrenching him back toward her. Remus decided that, if he couldn't run away, he'd hide behind her. He used his free hand to cling to her trousers, his other hand still in mummy's tight grip. Mummy who was now arguing with the man.  
"I paid you!" she snapped  
"Don't fucking lie to me. I fucking know you Sylvie" he jabbed her in the chest with a grubby calloused finger. His nails were long, and dirty "So, don't think you can lie" Mummy whimpered. Remus peeked out from behind her legs.  
"... I can 'ave it 'ere by zee end of zee week"  
"Good. 'Cause if you don't fucking pay me. You don't fucking pay Riddle. He'll let me get out payment... elsewhere" He looked down at Remus and grinned with sharp, yellowed teeth "You alright there mate?"  
"... m'fine" he mumbled, ducking back behind Mummy's legs. He felt Mummy tremble.  
"No." She muttered, shivering and taking a long drag of her cigarette "No. I'll get you your money."  
"You better" He spat. He gave her one last growl and another grin at Remus, before moving back to his alley. Remus came out from behind Mummy's legs and tugged her sleeve again.  
"Who was that mummy?"  
"No one" she said flatly, dragging Remus along as they began to walk.  
"Why do you own him money? What money?"  
"Please Remus, quiet. Mummy 'as an 'eadache"

_June 25th 1968_

The dirty man with the long knotted hair ran out of the alley again. Calling  
"Oi! OI! SYLVIE!"  
"Merde..." mummy muttered. She picked Remus up from under his armpits and he wrapped his legs around her waist. Burying his face in her warm chest and the soft cotton of her blouse, smelling perfume and fabric softener.  
"Where's my money?" he called. Mummy broke into and breathed a sigh of relief as a bus pulled up at the bus stop a few yards away. She hopped on, just as the bus's doors were clapping shut. The dirty man ran up to the doors and banged on them. His face twisting into a snarl. His teeth too sharp.  
"One way or another you're going to fucking pay for this!"

June 28th 1968

"Mummy..." Remus whined, clinging to Mummy's leg, clutching her skirt like a life line.  
"Look... Remus... just keep walking" her voice was thick and tight.  
"But Mummy... it's getting dark"  
"For goodness sake, stop whining and go home"  
"Why aren't you coming?"  
"I need to... 'ave something to... to fix." She choked on her words and chewed her  
lip. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. And she scowled a scary scowl, she only ever used on Daddy. Remus flinched. "Go home. I'll be back later"  
".. m'kay..."

*  
"He came in at about... eight... maybe nine." He mumbled, Mary stood and took the kettle from the stove, deciding it would be best if she made the tea. She quickly wiped around the mugs with a tea towel "He was..." his voice cracked and gave way for a moment. He gave the kind of shaky breath Mary recognised as a stifled sob. "He was bleeding. And dirty and – and his clothes were all torn up" he whined and tangled his fingers in his hair. Mary patted him on the back and set his tea down.  
"Ta, Mary" he slurped at the too hot drink. Mary chose this point to be momentarily interested in a small chip in her mug and John wiped his eyes surreptitiously  
"We never found out exactly what happened to him... after Sylvie left him. During the regression therapy... or when I overheard him talking in his sleep... he would get as far as that then he just start panicking... he'd breath all fast and wheezy and... then he'd just start saying don't touch, don't touch, over and over again." John heaved a heavy sigh. His voice thick. He looked older than Mary had even seen him look before. "He barely spoke for two years. And I had to put him in school. I had to put the poor thing in school, where he just got the shit bullied out of him... he was so behind as well I had no idea how bad a job Sylvie had done of teaching him."  
"What do you mean?" Mary asked brushing John's long disarrayed hair behind his ears.  
"She wasn't patient enough to teach him to read. She'd get bored and take him to museums and art galleries... or they'd paint. By age seven, my son could give a detailed opinion on the work of the pre-Raphaelite brotherhood but he couldn't tell you the difference between a letter C and a letter G"  
"Sirius did say he was good at art" She said quietly "best in his class"  
"You're bloody right he is"  
"Why didn't he ever get help? With his reading?"  
"... I never noticed." He said, shaking his head and dropping his gaze to his mug "Teachers never noticed because he was too quiet... just chose to ignore it, I think" he frowned and half heartedly hit his fist on the rickety table "By the time I did notice... I was having some... some problems... when we met I... I wasn't exactly stable"  
"I know John. It wouldn't have taken a doctor to notice that" She smiled and patted his hand again. He laughed lightly.  
"He says Sirius is helping him now. They read a book together"  
"I know. Sirius is a good boy" She felt a little swell of pride "He can be... petulant. Very petulant, sometimes but... he cares for Remus a lot."  
"I know. He lets Sirius touch him, you know" he said, not able to mask a note of bitterness in his tone. "Sirius and whoever his little girlfriend is"  
"Girlfriend?"  
"He came in on Tuesday night with a massive hickey" John chuckled. Mary laughed as well and tightened her fingers on John's hand. Remus was at her house on Tuesday night. They spent the night locked on Sirius's room.

*

"Remus... Remus please" Sirius begged. It was distant. Echoed. Remus felt funny. He felt sick for the first time in a while, he felt frightened. He felt sort of... like he did the day Mummy left... left him and, it happened. He felt dirty, in short. Dirty and sick with himself. Like he shouldn't have let that happen. Like he'd done something wrong.  
Some rational voice at the back of his head (it sounded vaguely like Sirius) reasoned that, he had wanted it. He'd wanted it this time.  
And that was fine. He wanted it and it had felt good.  
Really good.

_Reviews please :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Ooo, for once I have been speedy!_

_March 10__th__ 1974_

"You're sure you're alright?" Sirius asked, he was crouched on the floor in front of Remus, who was sat on the bed. His chin rested on Remus's right knee.

"Positive. M'fine" He murmured. Failing to meet Sirius's eye.

"I'm sorry" he blurted "I'm sorry. I won't do anything like that again, if you don't like it. Sorry"

"No! M'fine!..." Remus sighed and his ears went pink. "I liked it... I really did"

"Enough to maybe... do it again? Maybe? Sometime?"

"Yeah" Remus said quickly. Still pinked and looking everywhere but at Sirius.

"Look at me"

"Why?"

"I want to see if you're alright"

"Why?"

"... Because! I care about you, you bloody idiot. Now look at me"

".. fine" Remus sighed, and held Sirius' gaze for a moment, turning even redder, before his eyes flicked away "There. Happy?"

"Ecstatic" Sirius lifted his chin from Remus's knee and patted where it had been resting. He sat back up on the bed and raised his hand to Remus' cheek, running his thumb across the soft skin. "I really do you know" he said quietly, turning Remus to face him.

"Do what?" Remus asked, smiling and tilting his head into the touch slightly.

"Care" He cleared his throat "About you"

"Oh. Me too... Care about you, I mean" Said Remus quietly, turning away. Sirius let his hand fall away, resting it on Remus's thigh. His jeans were soft, over washed and over worn.

"Okay... Good. Really good. That we both care" Said Sirius, tightening his grip

"Yeah. It's good. Better than, I think" Remus agreed, hastily patting the hand on his thigh.

"Yeah, it is." Sirius met Remus's eye and scanned his face. His eyes were round and too pale, heavily ringed in sickly purples. They looked wet. Sirius wondered if Remus's eyes had always looked this wet and he was just noticing now. He wondered if he'd noticed before. The corners of his mouth; swollen, red and damp, were turned downward. His bottom lip jutted, ever so slightly. Sirius frowned a little, huffed and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "You look bloody miserable you know." Remus stared him straight in the eye now, his eyes so round, wide. Almost terrified. Sirius ached.

"S'just my face, Sirius" he said lightly, the corners of his mouth flickering upward, the too pale eyes brightened, a trace of a chuckle ghosting his voice. Sirius laughed.

*

"Sirius. We're leaving" Mary said stiffly, her knuckles turning white around Remus's loose door handle.

"What? Why? It's his birthday, I was supposed to be staying over" Sirius protested. He was sitting far too close to Remus. Their lips were too red, too sore looking. Remus even looked marginally happy before Mary had announced their sudden exit.

"I forgot I told your Aunt Judith we were going to stay at her house tonight."

"You go to hers. I want to stay here."

"That's not your choice Sirius"

"I was invited. I'm staying"

"Up. Come into the hall way." Sirius glanced up at her, nodding curtly. He turned to Remus and shrugged, before getting up, closing the door behind him. Mary lowered herself to his level. This was no great feat. He was a tall boy. Most of her family were. "We're going now" she said brusquely. He scowled. Petulant and childish. So young.

"No"

"I mean it"

"No!" he snapped. Adding an infuriating little stamp this time. Mary wrapped her fingers round her sons slim arm, her middle finger meeting her thumb. They were locked in a sort of staring match. Mary wasn't sure if she'd ever seen her son look at her like that. Grey eyes that were usually surprisingly warm, lively, almost fluid, so cold, so hard, so empty. She tossed various threats around in her mind, all idle and sure to be ignored.

"Sirius, if you do not come with me this _instant_ I will tell your father." They held their stare. Fear flickering over his face and weaving into his voice.

"Tell him what?" he asked slowly, sucking in his bottom lip.

"As much as you'd like me to believe it Sirius, you are not a stupid boy. You know exactly what I'm talking about"

"I'm afraid I have no idea." He said sharply, raising his head and jutting his chin proudly. Reminding Mary rather of herself. It made the words catch in her throat.

"John told me not twenty minutes ago that Remus came home on Tuesday night with a - and I quote – _massive hickey._ He was in your room _all night_ Tuesday night. In right after school, not out till seven. And Remus wouldn't stay out after dark." Sirius opened his mouth to argue, quickly closing it. His eyes shutting as well. He drew a deep breath.

"Fine." He sighed "We'll go. Just let me say goodbye first." Mary felt her nostrils flare, she lifted her eyebrows. "It'd be rude not too" he said, matching her with his own brows cocked.

"... very well. But make it quick." He nodded, as he went to open Remus's door "And do not close the door." She added hastily. He frowned and closed the door around his neck, so his head was in the room and his body outside the door. He spoke in a hushed tone Mary could not here. Deliberately so, she imagined.

*

Sirius nodded to his mother and left Remus sitting alone on the bed. As the door closed, Remus considered running right over and pressing his ear up to the door but didn't; deciding intruding on their private conversation was just rude. And just as Remus was beginning to regret his moral and admirable decision, Sirius' words, Mrs. Black's words, were coming, slightly muffled, through his walls (Dad had always said they were "too bloody thin").  
There was an unclear snap from Sirius. Something sharp from Mrs. Black, followed by a clear "No!". Half a sentence that wasn't clear from Mrs Black and half that was: "_Will_ tell your father". Remus swallowed. He didn't hear much of what was said next. He did hear _Massive Hickey!_... _All night_ and _Tuesday_ then his own name. A moment later, his door swung open, Sirius was about to step inside but Mrs. Black snapped  
"And do not close that door." So Sirius poked his head round instead.

"I think we've been caught mate" he said lightly, with an uneasy smile, that looked like it didn't particularly want to be there right now.

"Oh bollocks"

"Yep." He paused "I'm not going to let her split us up"

"No... she can't..."

"She won't. Trust me."

"... alright"

"Cheer up, gorgeous" Sirius said with a wink and a grin. Remus felt his mouth flick upward and he blushed.

"Sod off." He muttered. Sirius chuckled and shut the door, before he heard Remus' weak whisper of "Beautiful".  
Remus was quite glad he hadn't heard.

*

"This isn't the way to Aunt Judith's" Sirius said, wondering if the unrelenting death grip Mum had on his arm, would result in an amputation.

"We aren't going to aunt Judith's" Mum replied, tugging Sirius along as he stopped in the pavement.

"Why?"

"Father Bartemius will know what to do with you" she said, continuing to tug, Sirius stumbling along behind her as she walked on.

"What? What have I done wrong?"

"You know what you've done!" Sirius stopped again, trying to free his arm.

"Fine! I... we kissed. We kissed and what's so wrong about that?"

"Boys are not supposed to kiss other boy" She snarled, tightening her hand. Something as vindictive as it was audacious (and frankly, fairly stupid), within Sirius caused him to blurt his next sentence.

"Oh come on! S'not like w- we fucked or anything!" he sneered, sure to emphasis the swear. Mum stopped. Not looking at him, projecting her words to the night sky.

"What you are doing is wrong. It is disgusting and unnatural and, what's worse is this has been going on under _my_ roof. Under poor John's roof." She turned to face him. Her eyes, cold and too sharp "You were always a bad seed Sirius... And you've corrupted that poor boy." Sirius made another attempt to loosen her grip, tugging his arm furiously, stumbling backward as he did.

"Oh yes_ I_ corrupted_ him_." Sirius growled, anger over shadowing reason. "I made him stick his tongue down my throat, I made him-"

"Stop it."

"I made him climb on top of me and put his hands down my pants, I ma-"

"_Stop it now."_

"-de him wank me off. While you were downstairs, by the way, while-" Sirius was cut of this time by a sharp numbing pain on his cheek. Then another. Then another.

"I don't like to hit you Sirius" she said walking again, her voice too thick and too emotional. Too unlike her usual flat controlled tone.

"Well don't bloody do it then!" He snapped, he gripped her fingers, trying to peel them away. She stopped walking and spun on her heel, her other hand coiling and tightening round his other arm, she lowered to his level. Her hard, amber eyes were burning, bright red, and tears streaked her face. Her nose was bright red and dripping. Her hair in disarray, her voice shaken and full of pain, anger and desperation.

"Sometimes you leave me with no choice... such a bad boy." She said softly, her head shaking, words turning to white vapour as they hit the air. "And you used to be so sweet..." she squeaked, dissolving into sobs "so polite..." she hiccoughed.  
"I am a good mother. No matter what Orion says, I am a good mother. I had you baptised, took you to church, to confession, you took communion. You prayed. I read you the bible... and you still..." She sighed, gurgling a little "you must have just been determined to disappoint me... I should have expected this from a bastard." She said. Not harshly. Quite the opposite. Almost kind. Pitying. Definitely a note of self pity in there. Her next comment however, was spat at him, and bitterly too. "...A filthy little bastard, born of my own disgusting impulses and - and your father's infidelity... my fault of course... I ..." her toned softened again and she sobbed "he says I did it on purpose to trap him... I didn't mean to Sirius... I didn't mean to." She sniffed deeply "And I got what I deserved... a bastard a devil, a- a sodomite. But not for much longer. I'll save you." She said strongly, as if she had just volunteered to dump the Ring into Mount Doom "You shall go to Father Bartemius and he'll save you. He'll get the devil out of you. He'll get it out" she said, with an eerie little smile, before letting go of one of Sirius' arms, raising herself to her full, considerable height and walking proudly, leading Sirius on.

Her Heels clacking on the ground, she wiped her face dry.

*

"Dad?" Remus said, stepping into the kitchen. Dad was cleaning mugs and plates at the sink.

"Evening lad. Sorry about Sirius having to leave"

"S'fine. He can't help it if his mum made other plans, I s'pose."

"Don't really understand why Sirius couldn't have stayed... oh well. You had a nice birthday then?"

"Yeah. A bit bored now though" Remus shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table, running his fingers along the grain of the wood.

"You could've invited someone else over" said Dad, taking the seat next to him.

"I don't know anyone else."

"Oh come on Remus" he laughed "I'm not that thick. I know a hickey when I see one" he said, gently prodding the bruise on Remus's neck. Remus batted him away. "What's her name?"

"Whose name?"

"The girl who gave you that"

"There's no girl dad"

"Well what happened" he snorted "I suppose you "fell down" did you?"

"No."

"Well, it was a girl then?"

"No."

"I'm confused" Dad said with a chuckle. He ruffled Remus's hair and went back to the sink.

"It was Sirius" Remus said quietly. A plate dropped onto the floor and Dad turned around, the colour draining from his face. He suddenly looked older.

"What?"

"Sirius. He did it." Remus said, keeping his eyes on the wood grain, traced a spiral pattern with his ring finger.

"... the little bastard." He breathed, Remus saw him lean back against the sink out of the corner of his eye.

"No" Remus said. He went back to the wood grain. Stopping his tracing to feel a chip in the wood.

"He took advantage of you"

"No"

"You wanted him to?" he blurted, sounding shocked and maybe upset. Remus nodded slowly. "...Oh"

"I started it" Remus said.

"... oh" Dad breathed out heavily and hit the kitchen counter. Mumbling "fuck" under his breath.  
"Remus... I... I'm going to have to go out and get a drink." He muttered, jogging out of the kitchen into the living room. Remus heard the rustle of fabric as he put on his coat and a scrape as he lifted the house key from it's hook.

"Okay" he answered.

"Don't answer the door to any strangers." Dad called, slamming the door shut and locking it behind him.

Remus, feeling that this may count as a crisis situation, did what any Englishman would do.

Made a cup of tea and hoped for the best.

*

"Father Bartemius!" Mum called, hammering on the door of the rectory. "_Father Bartemius!"_ she said louder this time, her knocking relentless.

"_Alright! I'm coming for Goodness sake!" _ He snapped. Sirius could see his blurred form approaching through the frosted glass of the front door. "Yes?" he said peevishly. Sirius thought this was fair, it was rather late to have crazed mothers and their devil spawn hammering on your door.

"We need to come in Father"

"Oh, do you? Now?"

"Right now" She said, her voice cracking, a vague note of hysteria lingering.

"Very well" he sighed, stepping aside. "Come in" he said disdainfully, slamming the door shut behind them. Mum hurried Sirius into the priest's living room.  
There was a boy in there already, about Regulus' age, with straw coloured hair and lazy looking brown eyes. He was pale and had a tea cup gripped tightly in long fingers. He looked tall, even sat down, and was skinny, he barely looked at Sirius and Mum as they entered the room.

"This is Barty, pay him no heed. His mother, an old friend of mine just died, so I'm taking care of him, for the time being." The Priest said quickly and without reason. Mum hadn't appeared to have noticed the boy until he was pointed out. "Out you go Barty." He said to the boy "Private church business". The boy, Barty, didn't even look at Crouch. He simply stood and left the room, the thud echoing from above as he went up the stairs.

Crouch, who was looking, all of a sudden, quite flushed, gestured they sit down. Mary shook her head.

"The boy" she said sharply "The boy has been... _involved _with another boy." Crouch turned to Sirius with his lips pursed and an eyebrow raised.

"Hmm." He said.

"The devil. The devil has taken hold of him!" She called, pointing rather dramatically in Sirius' face. "Swearing!... Disrespectful._ Evil_" she sputtered. Suddenly breaking down, weeping, her body sagging. She finally let go of Sirius' arm. "My fault." She sobbed "My fault. Evil... devil... mine" Crouch stood and patted her shoulder tenderly. She flopped onto him, sniffing and bawling, throwing her arms around his neck. She babbled into his shoulder, all Sirius could hear were the occasional strained muffled words. _Bad Mother... evil... my fault... no respect... Sorry... my fault... Orion... Bad Mother... loved... hurts... love them... my fault... deserve this. _

"There there, Mary" Crouch said gently, paternally, his fingertips lingered on her left shoulder blade. "Has it been happening again?" he asked, his voice hushed and careful. She half nodded against his chest and whined. "Can I see?" she nodded and whined again, slowly detaching herself and shrugged off her jacket, lying it on the arm of a squashy looking arm chair. Sirius had the feeling both his Mother and Crouch had forgotten he was there.

Mum began to unbutton the front of her dress, Crouch blushed and averted his gaze, Sirius rolled his eyes. She shrugged the shoulders of her dress down, sliding her arms out of the long sleeves, tugging the body of the dress up, keeping her lace clad breasts covered. A small silver cross glittered on her chest, hung beneath her collar bone. She sniffed and un clasped the expensive bracelet on her right wrist and the watch from her left, placing them on top of her jacket. Sirius was rather shocked see a ring of bruises; angry purples and blues, circling her wrists. There were bruises suspiciously shaped like palms and finger tips all around her arms and chest. Not to mention a few that looked like bite marks. There were even a few places where the skin had broken.

Mum trembled under his and Crouch's gaze. A little girl, bruised and shivering before them, slid her arms back into the sleeves and re buttoned herself.

"My thighs are worse"

*

John downed another pint and let his head hit the bar along with his money.

"Trying to drown your sorrows there darling?" a female voice chuckled. John looked up at the barmaid. Dark, buxom, wavy haired and red lipped, with rosy cheeks and a wide grin. "You didn't drive here, did you?" she asked, wiping a glass clean.

"No car" he said, feeling a smile spread over his face.

"Ah good. I wouldn't want to have to wrestle your keys off you."

"Whys that?"

"I've already done it twice tonight, and you're a big bloke. I'd lose"

"You wouldn't have to wrestle me. I know my limits." He grinned "I'd probably let you win anyway."

"An old fashioned gentleman, then" she chuckled "Good to hear, darling" She smiled warmly and smoothed down her hair, resting her elbows on the bar, putting her breasts right in John's eye line. "So what's wrong with you?" she asked, fiddling with the undone buttons of her blouse.

"My fourteen year old, fourteen today" he checked his watch. Past midnight. "Fourteen yesterday, rather. Has a hickey. A hickey from his best friend. Who is also male." He sighed. The barmaid shrugged, absently wiping her glass before setting it behind the bar.

"Could be a lot worse, darling" she said, patting John's hand gently. He laughed.

"I know... I could've been planning on having him baptised next week. Oh wait! I was." He said, frowning and screwing his face up. The Barmaid shrugged again.

"So still get him baptised. Just 'cause your son likes boys don't mean he can't still get baptised."

"But we're catholic... well I am. We don't approve of our sons liking boys" he sighed, she frowned, twiddling with a red pendant hung on a thin gold chain around her neck.

"Don't matter what "we" think. Matters what you think."

"What I think?" John asked. She smiled again.

"Yeah. What you think... what do you think?" she asked, her eyebrows quirking.

"I think? I think... I think... I think. I love my son. I think he's been through enough without getting crap from the church for this... I just want him happy... God, I love him so much." John said, feeling tears sting the back of his eyes. He should drink and talk about Remus. The combination of the two always turned him into a big girl's blouse. The Barmaid beamed. She had the loveliest smile.

"Good to hear darling. He's lucky to have you. His mum think the same?"

"His mum's been gone for years." John spat. The last thing he need right now was Sylvie worming into his head, with her bloody open mind and her art. She'd probably accept it. Fuck, she'd probably encourage it just to spite him. He shook his head. No thinking about Sylvie... bloody hippy bitch... "What's your name?" he asked the barmaid quickly.

"Flora. Flora Tanner. Yours?"

"John Lupin" he stretched his hand out, which she shook. "You know," he said standing up "I think I'd better get home, you know. I need to speak to my son." He pulled his jacket from the back of his stool and tugged it on "Nice talking to you Mrs. Tanner."

"No problem Mr Lupin... and call me Flora."

"Alright." He grinned "Call me John."

"Alright then." She said, as he began to walk out, she called "Oh! And, John?"

"Hmm?"

"For future reference... if you're here again. It's _Miss_ not Mrs."

_Reviews?_


	7. chapter 7

_A/N: Ngh this one took a while again D: sorry..._

_March 11__th__ 1974._

Sirius woke up on Father Crouch's sofa, his mother's jacket wrapped around his shoulders, her sat upright in Crouch's arm chair, arms folded, eyes still swollen.

"Mum?" he asked, her eyes blinked open, she cleared her throat.

"Yes?"

"Are you still... are you alight?"

"Yes." She said curtly "I'm fine"

"are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm positive." She tightened her lips and rubbed her eyes. "It is Saturday today?"

"Yep." He sighed heavily "you know all of those... all of those bruises?" he asked, Mum's lips tightened further, "Was it... did... Dad?"

"Yes. Now please don't bring this up again."

"But Mum-"

"Never again." She snapped as she stood, smoothing down her hair and clothes. "It may not be a good idea to go back to the house. For at least a little while..." she sighed and fastened her watch and her bracelet over each wrist. "We'll have to collect Regulus... and some clothes"

"I'll do it" Sirius said sharply, quickly. Mum nodded.

"Thank you" She said quietly and sunk back down into her chair. Sirius chewed his lip.

"Me and Remus... it only happened twice, you know" He sat up on the sofa and drew his knees under his chin, "The night he came home with the love bite and last night" Mum shut her eyes and rubbed her temples "We decided it was a bad idea as well... we decided we should just be friends"

"Don't lie to me" she snapped

"I'm not lying"

"I don't want that boy in my house again." She said flatly "I want you home straight after school every night and no going round with him at weekends!" She paused, her eyes narrowing dangerously "If find out anything, and I mean _anything, _is going on between you two, so help me, I don't know what I'll do"

"Fine" Sirius snarled, stomping out of the rectory, slamming the door dramatically behind him. He sighed. Granted this was going to make seeing Remus a thousand times more difficult. But there was always school. And there was always sneaking out.

He spent most of the short walk to his house huffing and puffing and worrying. He worried about Regulus and about Mum. He wondered how long that had been going on for. As much as he didn't want to think about it, the image of bite marks and bruises kept floating back into his mind. He vented a small amount of his frustration on a nearby rock, kicking it and sending it flying into post box; causing a postman to frown and mutter about something about the lack of respect in the youth of today.

When Sirius reached his house he felt a cold shiver down his spine, his Dad's car was still in the drive. Not only was Dad's car still in the drive, but his front door was opening. His front door was opening and Dad was looking considerably pissed off. Regulus trudged out behind him, pouting, his eyes on the ground as Dad stamped toward the car, menacingly brandishing his keys.

Sirius looked for an escape route. Thorn bushes to the left, nothing to the right.

Just as he was about to take his chances with the thorns, Regulus' eye's snapped up from the floor.

"Sirius?" He asked, his bright eyes filling instantly with regret as Sirius glared, slapping his palm over his face in annoyance.

"Sirius!" Called Dad, dropping his keys on the ground and running to him; grabbing his shoulders - Sirius wondered when his parents became so bloody grabby – and shaking him slightly.  
"Where's your mother?" he demanded.

"I'm not going to tell you." Sirius sighed. "Go back inside and grab some clothes Regulus, we're leaving" Regulus' mouth opened, then closed again quickly, as he began to trot inside.

"Wait." Dad called, holding his hand out. Regulus stopped dead in his tracks. "You are not leaving."

"... Yeah we are"

"No you aren't"

"Yeah. We are" Sirius smirked and bumped past Dad, putting a hand on Regulus' neck he guided him into the house. "Go get some clothes for me, you and mum. And our toothbrushes" Sirius whispered "We're going to the rectory"

"Why?" Regulus whined, he sniffed and sucked on his bottom lip.

"I'll explain when we get there."

"What about D-"

"I'll deal with him." Sirius said brusquely, shoving his brother as they reached the stairs, Regulus scowled back at him, and bounded onward.

Dad stood dumbstruck in the spacious hallway, perfectly reflected in the over polished wooden floor.

"Where are you going?" he snarled, making a step toward Sirius. His posture was threatening, his tone aggressive, but this did nothing to dissolve the smirk on Sirius' face. For all his posturing and snarling, Orion Black was, none the less, a good four inches shorter than his son, and of a considerably smaller build.

"I'm not Mum. I'm not a girl. You can't scare me and you sure as all hell aren't going to hit me" Dad narrowed his eyes and raised his hand, which Sirius caught mid swing.  
"I repeat. I am not mum." He kept Dad's wrist clasped tightly in his hand "Beating up a woman? Really? What did she do to deserve that?" Sirius said, keeping his voice as mocking and patronising as possible.

"My job is very stressful." Dad replied shortly, unable to wrench his wrist from Sirius' grip.

"We don't even know what you do!" Sirius said, anger making the pitch of his voice climb and octave "That's no excuse! I... Is that all you can think to offer? My job is stressful? Get fucked." He snarled "Can't smack your boss up, so you smack poor mum instead? Is that it? Or is that just how you get your kicks, Dad?.. Orion?" Sirius spat. Dad kept his lips fixed tightly together, his free fist balled at his side, knuckles whitening. They stood in silence, Sirius stared down into his father's eyes, not trusting him enough to let go of his wrist. There was a whine from upstairs and their necks spun upward. Regulus was sneering with an arm full of their jeans, pants and t-shirts and Mum's dresses  
"Do I have to go in _her_ underwear drawer?"

"Oh for fucks sake" Sirius mumbled "_Yes!_"

*

"Dad" Remus mumbled, absently poking Dad on his cheek. "Dad?"

"Whazza?" Dad mumbled his eyes fluttering open, then shutting again.

"Do you have work today? I didn't know whether to wake you up or not" Remus said, sitting cross legged in front of him. Dad blinked.

"No. No work" he groaned, as he shuffled on the sofa.

"You forgot to roll the bed out."

"Doesn't matter"

"You'll hurt your neck"

"Doesn't matter" Dad said, almost snapping. He went to turn, so he had his back to Remus.

"... I want to talk" Remus said quietly. Dad spun, his eyes wide.

"You... _want_ to talk"

"Yeah"

"_You_ want to talk"

"Mmhmm" Remus nodded. Dad blinked at him and sighed

"Jesus Christ... Maybe you are better off without therapy" he said, with a little smile. Remus chewed his lip for a moment, while he gathered his thoughts and decided what exactly he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry" he sighed, finally, drawing his knees up to his chin. Dad blinked at him again then frowned

"Sorry for what?" he asked. Remus drew a deep breath, words beginning to pour our of him at a mile a minute.

"Sorry I upset you and I kissed Sirius. And sorry I let him give me a hickey. And sorry I annoyed God and stuff and-" he pause briefly to take a breath, Dad interrupted him.

"It's... It's alright lad. I'm not upset... And why would you think you er... annoyed God?" he said, now torn between smirking and scowling.

"... Father Crouch... he gave a sermon a while ago and... He said... people who do things like what I did go to hell and burn and stuff and-" Dad cut him off again, his voice prickly and angry this time.

"You won't go to hell Remus. And anyone who says you will is... well, probably well on their way there themselves."

*

_June 19__th__ 1974_

Remus was learning to deal with not being able to see Sirius all the time. It had hurt a lot at first, having to leave him after school. They couldn't really touch anymore and that was killing him. Sirius suggested they start sneaking around after bedtime, as they didn't live that far from each other, but the idea of sneaking out at night still made Remus break out in a cold sweat. He didn't want to put Sirius in danger like that, no matter how much Sirius insisted he'd be fine.

Remus and dad had stopped going to church as much. Dad still went but Remus hardly ever came with him. Sirius had told him Father Crouch and Mrs. Black both knew about them, just the thought of seeing either of them made Remus blush.

But with Summer approaching quickly, Remus wasn't sure how much longer he could put up with not being able to him. Because, all of a sudden, it dawned on him that, with summer there was no school. And with no school there was no Sirius.

They were in PE on a Tuesday morning, doing cross country running. Which meant they ran around the school field six times and if they stopped, they had to do it again.

"I'm..." Sirius wheezed, taking breaths between words "Sick... to death... of running"

"I'm..." Remus coughed, his legs stung and his chest was tight "... not ex... actly... enjoying it... either"

"For... Fucks... sake" Sirius slumped as he ran, grabbing his side "Fucking... stitch" Sirius looks around, they were quite far away from the rest of the boys, who were mostly at the other end of the field. Adam Livingstone was running a few yards behind them, his hair was slicked back and he still had his sunglasses on. No one had seen him without his sunglasses in four years. Sirius looked back and forth. He looked at the small wood which lay near by, separating the school from the housing estate behind it. Sirius grinned and grabbed Remus by the shoulders, dragging him into the wood. He pinned Remus against a tree and kissed him furiously, they quickly detached to regain their breath.

"... Could've bloody warned me" Remus muttered, sucking a deep breath, he could feel his heart pounding, his neck pulsing.

"Sorry. I've been wanting to do that for months" Sirius sighed. "I hate this" he added, pulling Remus a little deeper into the wood and leaning him more gently onto a tree trunk. He threaded his hands into Remus' hair "I hate not being able to do this" he shifted his hands downward, so he cupping Remus' face in his hands.

"I think Adam Livingstone saw us" Remus said, his words slightly restricted by the hands either side of his face

"Who?" Sirius laughed running his hands down Remus' neck, one hand stopping to rest on his shoulder, the other travelling lower.

"... The blonde guy with the sun glasses" Remus said, his breathing speeding back up again as Sirius slipped his hand under Remus' PE top, laying it against his stomach.

"Oh! That berk!" Sirius smiled "He wouldn't say anything" his hand slid up to Remus' chest and he planted a kiss on Remus' lips.

"... Sirius... I... we'll get in trouble"

"Only if we get caught"

"We've been caught before"

"Well, I'll stay away from your bloody neck this time!" He laughed again, Remus shushed him. Sirius cut him off with another kiss. Sirius' mouth travels lower, like his hands did. Down Remus's neck, over his collar bone, down his chest and stomach (Remus wondered what Sirius was getting out of kissing his t-shirt). He was crouched down now, his hands which had fallen by his side, lifted. His fingers hooked into the waistband of Remus' shorts.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" Remus whined. Sirius nuzzled Remus' growing erection. It was a good enough answer for Remus, his hips bucking forward.  
"_Ah..._ _Sirius_..." he hissed, his finger nails digging into Sirius' shoulders.

"Come on Remus... Just..." he tried to dislodge Remus' fingers "just let me take care of you" he sighed, tugging down Remus' shorts, then his underwear.

"Sirius I..." His knees gave way when Sirius started to use his mouth. "I don't like forests..." he managed to get out, before the world dissolved into heat and wet and soft moans and the half light of the wood, filtering down green around them.

*

"Lupin! Black!" Snarled Mr. Douglas, "What took you so long?" He pointed at the clock. "Everyone else was in ten minutes ago!"

"... we ah.."

"Black sprained his ankle sir. Lupin took him to the nurse" Said Livingstone coolly, towelling off his hair, knocking his sun glasses askew (He did shower with them on)

"Is that true?"  
"Yep." Remus said, with a smile and a nod.

"Livingstone?" Douglas said, twitching his eyebrow. Livingstone shrugged.

"I wouldn't lie for them sir. I never speak to them. They're weird" He snorted. Douglas sighed, he ran his eyes over Remus and Sirius. Both with bright pink faces, Sirius with mussed hair and grass stains on his knees. Remus with a few leaves tangles into his hair and a piece of bark stuck to his back. Douglas' expression agreed with Livingstone's declaration of "They're weird"

"Whatever" Douglas sighed, shaking his head. "Showers, now. And be bloody quick about it, or your English teacher will have my head."

*

"Remus?" Miss Spencer smiled at him.

"What?" he replied. She tucked her short, dirty blonde, hair behind her ears, catching her earring on the sleeve of her cardigan.

"Oh _ouch!_" She flushed and tugged her ear "May I speak to you for a moment?" She asked. Remus stepped forward, Sirius went to follow "In private please." Sirius huffed.

"I'll wait outside" he said, with a pout. Miss Spencer attempted to detach her sleeve from her earring.

"Please sit down Remus I'll... um" She took the earring out, and let it swing from her sleeve. It was big and made from various pink charms, hanging round a hoop. "I know I'm relatively new here... barely three weeks..."

"Why did Mr. Yates have to leave so suddenly, Miss?"

"Ah... Apparently there was an _incident_ at Mr. Fry's birthday party, with the secretary's daughter... um! Ah! That's not the... don't tell anyone I said that" She gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth. Remus shrugged.

"Mum's the word."

"Thank you... sorry. Um... I need to speak to you about your work" She said gently.

"What did I do wrong?" Remus blurted, Miss Spencer squeaked.

"Nothing! Nothing! I... I... Did I make it seem like you'd done something wrong just because... this is my first job and I... I was t-trying to be nice!"

"You didn't do anything wrong Miss... sorry. Just teachers only normally talk to me if I'm in trouble... and I'm not ever really in trouble"

"Oh... that's good" She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief "Any way. Your work. Now, please bare in mind I'm not telling you off here but erm..."

"It's because I'm thick, isn't it?"

"No! Not at all! I'm very concerned about you"

"You are?"

"Mmm. You see. Your handwriting is... well quite frankly, abysmal"

"Abysmal?"

"Ah... really not very good at all"

"Oh..."

"Yes and erm... on top of the handwriting, your spelling is horrific"

"S'not that bad, is it?"

"You spelt Dickens, D-I-K-I-N-Z"

"... and?"

"Oh dear... That's not... not quite right Dear." She said with a sad little smile. Remus blushed and stopped looking at her face, directing his gaze instead to the earring swinging from her wrist "But, I checked your records with the school and apparently you didn't go to the primary school till you were eight?"

"Yeah"

"And while you were there, you were frequently unresponsive and had problems with reading and your written work, in that, you didn't acctually do any of it..." She tailed off, chewing the inside of her cheek as she looked Remus up and down. "Who taught you before you went to Primary school, Remus?"

"My Mum"

"And could I speak with her after school, do you think?"

"Nu uh" Remus mumbled, shaking his head.

"Why not?"

"She's gone, Miss" Her face fell, her jaw slack.

"Oh... oh Remus... I'm so sorry, I wouldn't have... if I had any idea I -!" Remus interrupted her.

"She's not dead" He said quickly "Just gone. We don't know where she is"

"Oh... alright then" she sighed "But erm... And please don't take this badly dear, because I only have your best interests at heart, but... Can you acctually read? At all?"

"Sort of. Sirius has been helping me for a while. We read Charlie and The Chocolate factory, and he gave me Charlotte's Web, but it's too hard to read without help"

"Why isn't he helping you anymore? Did he lose patience?"

"No!" Remus snapped, scowling "He wouldn't. He only ever stops if I want to. He never gets bored or anything. It's just... his mum isn't letting me see him after school anymore"

"Why ever not?"

"Because erm... they're very strict Catholics and" Remus paused for a second, the lie slipping from his lips before he could stop it. "Well, my mum is Jewish and when Mrs. Black found out, she wasn't happy"

"That's terrible" Miss Spencer said, her eyes flashed dangerously. Remus panicked. He hated lying. Lying always got people into trouble.

"But please don't say anything because... Sirius is really embarrassed about her and he's the only friend I have and I already don't get to-"

"Shh, Remus, calm down! It's okay. I'll not say a word" She said softly. "Now, why didn't your mother teach you to read?"

"She tried. I was too stupid I think. She did lose patience" Remus said, pressing his lips together.

"Remus... I don't think you're stupid. Not at all. You see, I did look into your work with your other teachers. Mr Fry said your work in math was extremely impressive, your science teacher... Oh... whatever is his name?"

"Mr. Davis."

"Yes, Mr. Davis said your oral and practical work was flawless, but your written work..." she tailed off again "And your Art teacher seems quite besotted with you. But... what I'm getting at is... I mean... you're clearly very intelligent" Remus's jaw dropped. No one, _no one, _had ever called him intelligent. Miss Spencer chuckled sadly. "Yes Remus, you're intelligent, it's just reading and writing... can I ask you to tell me something, as best you can"

"Yeah, alright" She smiled and handed him a book.

"Now, can you open it at any page" Remus did "And tell me what you see" He looked down at the letters. They hurt his eyes, like usual.

"Just letters... looks how it always looks"

"Can you read something for me? The first sentence on the page"

"... That... we, no... wear... s-sss – silent... far... a w..wh... why..." Remus shut his eyes, which were already starting to ache. "It's no good miss. I can't do it without help" he sighed "I don't understand how anyone bloody manages this. It's like the letters don't stay in place for longer than five seconds. Sometimes one letter looks like one then it looks like another... and one minute a word's there, then it isn't!" he huffed. Then remembered himself, he apologised and set the book on Miss Spencer's desk. She frowned a little and carried on chewing the inside of her cheek. Remus worried he'd done something wrong. He knew he should've gotten his eyes checked.

"Remus?" She said finally "Have you ever been tested for dyslexia?"

"What? What's that?"

"Ah... you see. This explains a lot"

"It does? Is it... is it like an eye problem?"

"ah... Not quite"

_A/N: Thanks for all the nice reviews kids :D they make me feel warm and fuzzy._

_... Some more would be nice though... _


	8. Chapter 8

_July 24__th__ 1974_

Remus found his walk to the technology block quite suddenly disturbed, by a pair of arms wrapping around his chest and pulling him behind one of the school's larger bike sheds. Remus kicked and struggled, finally releasing himself from those arms.

"Oh. Sirius" he sighed, Sirius chuckled nervously and shrugged "What are you doing? We've both got wood work now."

"I know but... you aren't taking woodwork next year"

"Nope"

"And neither am I. So it's not like it would matter if we were to... say... duck out of school and wander round the estate for a while?"

"But... we've got English after that and... you like English"

"Remus... it's a week until we break up for summer and I want to spend as much time with you as I can." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair "Fuck English."

"Alright then" Remus said with a small chuckle. "We'll stay here till everyone's in lessons then..."

"We cross the field, walk through the wood and make our way round to those fields around where my house is." Sirius sighed again "I wanted to do something a bit more exciting... go to the city centre or something but..."

"Truant officer" Remus said calmly "We'd get caught." Sirius nodded and they waited. They slumped against the shed and Remus tugged off his jumper, using the sleeve to wipe the sweat from his brow. It was a warm day. Too warm for school uniform. Sirius flicked a cigarette butt that was lying near his hand and watched it fly and hit the wheel of someone's bike. He saw Remus pick up a condom wrapper and examine it, before setting it down on the ground again.

"Do people come back here to... you know..." A light blush formed on Remus' cheeks "Have... sex and stuff"

"... I think so. I'm sure this is where Dean Parker in year eleven got caught with Tracy Peg"

"Thought that was just a rumour"

"Nah. Tracy's pregnant now."

"How do you know?"

"She came to speak to Father Crouch." Sirius sighed "I wish Mum would find somewhere else to live... I'm sick of living in the bloody rectory." Remus patted him on the arm and sighed.

"Where else would your mum go, though?"

"She said about going to Granddads a couple of times but I'd rather stay in the Rectory. Granddad makes Mum look like Germaine Greer."

"Oh"

"Plus, he lives right in the middle of the city, in this horrible old manor house. Ages away from everything here. Ages away from you." Sirius began to twiddle with his hair "I wouldn't mind going to stay at one of my aunt's or cousin's, since they're a bit closer, but most of them have full houses. Lots of little kids and babies and even her one older sister has about four teenagers in the house still"

"You could come stay with us but..."

"My Mum's an idiot. I love her but Jesus Christ she's an idiot. There's a shelter for families like us just down the road from here, but she won't go. Says a woman like her doesn't belong somewhere like that. Fuck." He hit the ground "I wish things could just go back to the way they were."

"Me too." Remus stared at the ground. His hair was far far too long and covered his face as it hung down. Lank, straight and dull.

"I'm going to miss you this summer" Sirius said gently. Remus looked up, his eyes flickering with regret. The hand on the ground moved slightly. A small jerk. But remained when it became suddenly to shy to reach out and touch.

There was a silence that hung heavily over both of them. Sirius sniffed and checked round the corner of the shed, students were still filing into the building.

"You know, Daisy Stevenson invited me back here last week" Remus said, a smirk on his voice

"She did?"

"Mmhmm. Said she liked me. Said she thought I was cute." Remus grinned.

"That's what she said to me when she invited me here the week before last." Sirius laughed

"I hope you told her to fuck off" Remus snorted. His laugh spiked with a little fear.

"Course I did you silly git"

"Good... So did I"

"Good."

*

"You're late" Mum says, getting up to greet Sirius at the door.

"Am I?" Sirius said absently, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

"Mmm." She narrowed her eyes. "And you look far too happy"

"Oh don't tell me the church frowns upon happiness now"

"Sirius. Don't make me have to punish you." She drawled, bending down slightly to come level with his eyes. Hard amber clashing with bright gray. Sirius dropped his bag on the floor, kicked his shoes off and strode off, navigating around her. He did cringe slightly when he had to turn around mid-proud-stride and retrieve his book from his bag.

"What are you reading?" She asked sharply, following him to the living room.

"Brideshead Revisited."

"I don't remember buying you that."

"I bought it myself."

"Where did you get the money?"

"Uncle Alphard sent me rather a lot of money on Easter"

"What's it about?" She paused "The book"

"Two men who meet at Oxford. One is a drunken aristocrat, the other comes from a family with little money and they become friends."

"I don't like you reading books that condone drinking and such things"  
"I don't really think I'll end up an alcoholic because I'm reading this." Sirius said flatly, flipping to the page he had marked as he sat down "It'll more likely have something to do with my genetics" he added dryly under his breath. Her nostrils flared but she said nothing. There was a prim knock on the door. Mum sighed.

"That'll be Regulus and Barty" She walked, as she always did, elegantly, gracefully and straight-backed, sagging slightly as she saw the silhouettes of who was knocking at the door.

"Aunt Mary!" A priggish cold voice drawled.

"Aunt Mary!" Called another, mockingly sing song in it's manner.

"Mary? Are you there?" Asked a final voice, softer and steadier than the previous two.

"Hurry and answer the door! These shoes are bloody killing me!" Said the sing song voice again. Mum sighed, straightened her back again and walked to the door.

"What are you three doing here? Did Orion send you?" She said, re-entering the living room followed by a set of Sirius' cousins. Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa. Bellatrix entered the room with a look of extreme amusement on her sharp, strong features. She was in suede black boots and a short black dress with a red belt tied tight at the waist. Her make up was too heavy and her hair curly and messy. Sirius could almost hear his mother's disapproving thoughts (_Really not how a respectable married woman should be dressing. Really she comes from a good catholic family. I blame that vagabond husband of hers, he should tell her she can't dress like she's seventeen anymore). _

Andromeda grinned and waved as she entered the room. Her features were softer than Bella's. Her nose was rounder and her jaw softer. She lacked that look of having a bad smell under her nose. Her hair was dark brown, shoulder length and neatly flicking out at the ends. Her dress was a similar style to Bella's, but longer, brown and striped with various bright colours. She winked at Sirius.

Narcissa, who had only recently turned nineteen, flipped her long blonde hair as she entered. Sirius wondered where on earth Narcissa had inherited such fair hair. Everyone, that's everyone besides her, on his father's side of the family was dark. She turned her nose up at the cosy living room of the rectory, with it's squashy couches and gaudy rugs, and brushed at her long, white, floaty dress, as if just being in this room would make it dirty.

"Aunt Mary" Bellatrix sighed "Uncle Orion did send us"

"He wants you to come home, he loves you" Andromeda said gently

"I got engaged" Narcissa trilled, unable to contain the news, her hand shot upward, adorned by a very large diamond ring, set in with bright sapphires.

"Oh how wonderful, to Lucius, I assume?" Mum said nervously, sitting down on an arm chair and pulling her hair from it's tight pony tail, shaking it loose and threading her fingers into it.

"Yes, yes of course. He took me to the most expen-"

"Oh shut it Cissy, I've heard it a thousand times. No one wants to bloody know." Bella sang, a nasty smirk stretched across her face. "Has absolutely nothing to do with the reason we're here." She added sharply. Narcissa pouted and flipped her hair again.

"Orion would like it very much if you came home, Mary" Andromeda crouched down in front of the chair and took Mum's hand, running her thumb over the knuckles. "I understand you'd been fighting but... there's really no need to let your marriage break down because of it" she said, keeping her tone gentle and neutral.

"Yes... yes... I- I – I suppose you're right I should-"

"You're fucking joking right?" Sirius gaped "He told you they'd been _fighting? _Did he?" Sirius laughed, his chest tightening with anger, making his voice shake. "He'd been hitting her, hitting her a hell of a lot, judging by the bruises."

"Bruises?" Andromeda said, her grip on Mum's hand tightening slightly

"Oh rubbish! Uncle Orion wouldn't hurt a fly!" Bellatrix tutted scrunching her hair and barely batting an eyelid. Narcissa pursed her lips and thumbed her engagement ring. Mum's lips quivered. He hated what any mention of his father did to her. It seemed to strip her down to her core. Reduce her to a weak, trembling, mass of flesh. Andromeda looked panicked. Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

"He has always been good to you, Mary. Always. You've always had money and clothes and jewellery and you've always wanted more. And the moment things get tough and money gets a little hard, you're out of his life. Fabricating ridiculous stories about _Orion_ hitting you." She laughed "Which is absurd by the way. You're twice his height!"

"He's... stronger than... I'm not lying" She said, some of her pride back in her voice.

"Bella!" Andromeda scolded "Don't be... Don't be horrible!"

"Horrible? Is that the best you can come up with? She's lying."

"She doesn't look like she's bloody lying! Does She!" Andromeda stood up and folded her arms. Bellatrix and Andromeda glared at each other, then both turned back to glare at Narcissa, who was yet to express an opinion. Narcissa's eyes widened. She looked at Sirius, then Bellatrix, then Andromeda, then Mum. Then back to Andromeda again.

"Um..."  
"Whether you think I'm lying or not, I'm not going back" Mum said, standing. "Bella, I'm not your husband or your little sister. You can't bully me into doing what you want. Now I will kindly ask you to leave" Mum said, advancing on Bellatrix, who scowled and left the room, calling

"Come on Cissy!" Narcissa looked at Mum, Sirius then Andromeda, who's face was even but her eyes look pleading. Narcissa let her lip jut before she sighed and followed Bellatrix.

*

Orion sent the nieces on his side round rather a lot that summer.

Sirius spent all of his time in the house (because he wasn't allowed out of it). He burnt through books like a fire and spent more and more time on his own. He refused to speak to his mother unless he was helping her clear Bellatrix from the house or the garden, and when they were done, he'd traipse back up to his room. He barely ate, he barely slept and if he did speak it was only to Regulus, or Andromeda if she was visiting, and Barty, on occasion.

He became exemplary at being ignorant. Father Crouch and Mum could stand out side his door all day begging him to come out, come to church, come and speak to them. But he said nothing. He closed his ears and read. Allowing himself to sink away into his various fantasy worlds. He couldn't hear them while he was trudging the long arduous path to Mordor or cowering in the trenches of the Western Front or plotting to rob and kill money lenders, named Alëna.

And when he wasn't wrapped up in a fantasy or being begged to come out of his room, he was missing Remus.

He quickly discovered missing Remus was rather like missing a limb, in that, without him, he couldn't function as he used to. He felt that even if he'd wanted to leave his room, he wouldn't have been able to.

He wondered what Remus would be doing. What he would look like right at this moment. If he'd had his hair cut. If he was still struggling with Charlotte's Web or if he'd given up. What the last thing he drew was. If he'd drawn Sirius. If he missed Sirius as much as Sirius missed him. If he missed their being together. If he missed what they did together. If he was falling apart or holding up. If he felt like he was missing a limb too.

*

Remus, like Sirius, spent most of his summer shut up in his room. He felt very much like he'd been repeatedly kicked in the stomach. Like someone had their fist curled around his heart and every thought of Sirius made it squeeze.

He tried to concentrate on reading, but couldn't. And when he drew he could only manage odd things. Strange images that kept floating into his head and bursting from his pencil, his paintbrush, his pastel. The good cutlery strewn across the floor, black hair whipping back in the breeze, a finger dug into the head of a half built snowman, a forest floor, a face he knew was dark, cruel but was obscured by the bright light behind it.

Dad came to see him a lot. Often stood in the door way and watched him work. He brought a lady a few times, Flora, who seemed very nice and spoke to Remus gently, like she thought he might shatter if she rose her voice above a near whisper.

*

_August 17__th__ 1974_

Sirius hadn't eaten yet that day. His stomach growled violently and ached. He heard the clip clop of his mother's heels on the floor of the hall, followed by Regulus stumbling and Barty snorting. He heard Crouch tut, "Now now boys, Sunday is a day of rest, not roughhousing" As he heard the door slam shut and lock, Sirius waited a moment, he'd have an hour or so to make something to eat, eat it and clean up. He pulled back the curtain and peeked out of the window of the small room he'd been give by Crouch - formally the man's study; Mum was in the smaller spare bedroom, Regulus and Barty sharing the larger one – he saw Mum and Crouch stride a head to the church, the steeple of which was just visible over a row of cottages, and Barty and Regulus trudging behind them, playfully shoving at each other as they walked. Sirius smiled to himself, before being slightly achingly reminded of Remus, he let the curtain fall over the window again and he walked down the stairs.

He rolled his eyes slightly at a very soppy painting of a glowing Jesus with fluffy wings and a bright halo, staring out at him, his head cocked to the left, his eyes vacant and lips slightly parted. Sirius wondered why on earth the artist had decided he wanted Jesus to look a) like he was about to get off with whoever was looking at the painting and b) a bit touched in the head. He snorted a laugh and jumped the last three stairs, happy to stretch his legs properly for the first time in a few weeks.

He strode into the kitchen over to the fridge, where he saw a whole cod, rather upsettingly fresh looking, lying, preparing to be cooked that evening. He saw a bottle of milk, which he drunk a few gulps directly from, and next to the milk lay cheese, which he pulled a few chunks from, and popped in his mouth. He ate a segment of chocolate half un-wrapped and drank another mouthful of milk before taking the butter from behind a cauliflower and settling on toast.

He perched on the bench as he waited for his bread to toast (all out of white, but brown would do). He swung his legs, absently kicking at the cupboards beneath him, his mind drifting away from toast and his latest book back to Remus.

He was wondering how Remus liked his toast. For all their time spent together, Sirius had never learnt of his friend's toast preferences.

After four slices of toast were eaten, and two more were prepared for later, Sirius took a last mouthful of milk from the fridge and scampered back upstairs, toast in hand.

There was a loud bang on the door; the shape through it's frosted glass was slight and dark. It raised it's arm to hammer on the door again.

"Sirius?" It called. A man's voice - Sirius shuddered - Dad's voice. Sirius didn't move from his position on the stairs. A slice of toast snapped in his grip.

"Sirius!" He called again "I can see someone on the stairs. Your mother isn't back yet so it must be you!" he paused, then growled "Sirius, you can let me in, or I can break this door down."

"You couldn't break a door down if your life depended on it" Sirius snarled, crushing the snapped piece of toast, his left hand now covered in greasy butter, which he hastily wiped on the carpet.

Cautiously, he turned on the stairs and stepped down them, walking the short distance to the door. He pulled it open slowly, his greasy fingers slipping on the handle.

Dad stood in the door his appearance a little more scruffy than the man would usually allow. His clothes were still clean and pressed, as Mum had never done that for him anyway, they had a cleaner and she dealt with their clothes too, but his hair was longer and not slicked back like it usually was. It stuck up at odd angles and it look like he hadn't shaved or trimmed his moustache in a while. There were heavy bags beneath his eyes.

"What do you want?" Sirius said, deliberately blocking the doorway, raising himself to his full height.

"I want to speak to your Mother"  
"You know fine well she's at church"

"I want to come in. Wait for her"

"Take her by surprise and frighten her?"

"No. No I don't want to frighten her."

"Then leave"

"No."

"Leave. _Orion._"

"Sirius. You can't intimidate me. I'm your father. Tall you may be, physically imposing, you are not."

"Leave."

"Let me through"

"Leave"

"Let me through" Sirius rolled his eyes and was about to slam the door, when Dad shoved his foot between the door and it's frame. His face twisted in pain. "I only want to talk to her."

"I don't want you talking to her!"

"Sirius... _please._" he said. He begged. He looked desperately up at Sirius. "I can't..." he sighed, broke eye contact with Sirius "I nee... I... Just let me in. Please." Sirius narrowed his eyes and stood aside. Dad nodded and walked into the living room.

Sirius hadn't noticed he'd dropped the toast.


	9. Chapter 9

"What did you want to speak to her about?" Sirius asked, never taking his eyes of his father.

"Coming home." He said curtly, never taking his eyes from the wall straight in front of him.

"It won't happen."

"You're entitled to your opinion." He was still curt. His fingers drifted to his top lip where they lingered on an un-trimmed moustache.  
"She won't go back with you" Sirius said quickly, he balled his hands into fists. Dad looked over at him for just a moment.

"Hmm." Was all he managed.

"You hit her." Sirius snarled. Dad nodded.

"I've treated your mother very badly. I am not proud of myself."

"Good. You shouldn't be."

"I know." He said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. Barely there. But it did crack. There was a long pause. Sirius watched his knuckles turn white, he flexed his hand and balled it up again. He looked back over at his father, still absently twiddling with the hair on his upper lip.

"Why?" Sirius asked, finally.

"Why what?"

"Why hit her?" Dad didn't answer immediately. He considered his thoughts and finally answered.

"I was angry." He pursed his lips and continued playing with his moustache.

"Is that it?"

"She made me angry. I do not always control my temper well. Especially when it comes to your Mother." He said flatly. His leg twitched every now and then. "Ours is a relationship built on grand passions Sirius. You wouldn't understand"

"Did you hit Walburga too?" Sirius asked. Dad's head snapped round, he glared.

"No. Not once." His eyes bored into Sirius, unjustified outrage on his face.

"Why just Mum, then?"

"I had a different job back then. Life was... simpler. Far less to be angry about"

"What do you even do?" Sirius asked, the pitch of his voice gradually climbing, his hands now shaking in effort not to shout or hit or break.

"Some things are better left unsaid" Dad replied quietly.

"What do you do?" Sirius repeated, determined to get an answer.

"Nothing that concerns you"

"What do you do?"

"_Sirius._" He growled "I _can't _tell you."

"Fine. Talk all the bollocks you want. If you won't I'll find out for myself."

"You can try but I assure you, you will fail."

*

"Hello" Said Flora with a wide smile, going on her tip toes to give Dad a peck on the nose.

"Alright?" Dad asked as they stepped into Flora's flat.

"A bit nervous, but yeah, I'm alright." She smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "No Remus then?" she asked.

"Yeah, he's here, just hiding behind me." Dad laughed and stepped aside, leaving Remus exposed in the unfamiliar little flat.

"Hello" Remus stuck up his hand sharply in a stiff wave. Flora laughed and stretched to kiss him on the cheek, he recoiled and she blushed.

"Bugger... ah..." Flora smiled nervously "Nice of you to come, though. I don't think I've ever seen you out of your bedroom... or standing up... or this clean, for that matter" She laughed, Remus shrugged and shuffled where he stood, unable to keep his eyes from darting around the room. "You scrub up well, love."

"Thanks." Remus replied, pushing his hair back. It was too long now. He'd always thought Sirius was the only person he knew that could get away with long hair; thick, black and healthy as it was, rather than fine, stringy and mousey.

"Ah, well, Mum and Dad shouldn't be long, so sit down, make yourselves at home. I've still got my cooking to sort out" Flora said, gesturing toward a comfy looking pink sofa as she trotted into her kitchen.

The whole flat was very comfy looking, if, very feminine. The sofa was covered with red and white cushions and the carpet was white and soft looking. The curtains were flowery (red, pink and white) and numerous red roses and pink tulips lay in china vases on the windowsill.

Remus sat on the sofa, moving a fuzzy cushion out of the way and clutching it to his torso. Dad did exactly the same.

"Nice to be out the house isn't it?" he said, tentatively patting Remus on the knee. His knee twitched. Dad smiled.

"S'alright. Fresh air's good"

"It's a nice day today. Just a nice temperature, but breezy enough so you don't get too hot"

"Hmm."

"Hasn't rained all summer. They're expecting a drought soon though. Hose pipe ban and the like."

"Do we have a hose pipe?"

"No, we don't." Dad wrinkled his nose and cleared his throat "Oh, I've got another job as well."

"You do?"

"Aye, bit of building work on another night club they're opening in the city."

"S'good"

"It is." Dad paused and sighed "You're alright, aren't you?"

"Hmm?"  
"You're just... alright... generally? You're not too sad about... Sirius?"

"M'alright... M'not... it's not good but... I'm okay, I suppose."

"Flora thinks you might be depressed."

"I'm alright"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Perfectly sure. It's rubbish, but it's only two more weeks or so and we're back at school" Remus said, almost snapping. He never thought he'd see the day he was looking forward to returning to school.

*

They'd been sitting in complete silence. Dad twiddling with his damn moustache and Sirius just staring at him. Feeling angry and hateful and completely, utterly helpless. There was the distant, muffled sound of voices at the window and the sound of the door unlocking. Regulus snorting with laughter and Crouch aiming a few sharp disapproving words at Barty. Dad stood as footsteps approached, Regulus calling  
"Sirius we're home!" His voice sounded more high and childish than it had in a long time.

"I do hope you'll come out of your room tonight at least" Mum called up the stairs, the click clack of her heels on the hard wood of the hallway, steadily approaching the living room. "We're having company, Father Crouch has invited Mrs. Snape over for..." Her words tailed away as she entered the living room, her eyes locked right onto Dad, she probably hadn't even noticed Sirius was in the room.

"Orion." She said flatly. Sirius was proud at her for sounding like she expected it. She placed a contemptuous hand on her hip. The other hand shook and she held it behind herself, tucking it out of view.

"Dad?" Regulus asked, poking his head round the door, Barty's quickly following.

"Upstairs, both of you" Crouch said sharply, ushering the boys away. Regulus huffing as he trudged away.

"Mary." Dad replied. He jumped to his feet, Sirius following him, standing a little behind him. Dad's hands ran nervously through his slightly over long hair. Sirius has never seen much of a trace of nervousness on his father before.

"What..." her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, restarting, more confident, she demanded "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry." Dad blurted, he looked her straight in the eye and played with the cuff of his shirt.

"Are you?" Mum raised an eyebrow. He nodded mournfully.

"I am."

"Thank you." The corners of her lips quirked upward and Sirius balled his hands into fists again. Anger flashed red behind his eyes as she smiled. "Now, I'd appreciate it if you left." She said, so coldly it was almost cruel. Dad swallowed.

"I want you back"

"You can't have her" Sirius and Crouch snapped in unison. Sirius hadn't even noticed Crouch had been in the doorway, peering over mum's shoulder.

"Please" he said quietly. She shook her head, her face grave again.

"No, Orion" she spoke calmly. Dad took a step forward, Sirius stepping with him.

"Mary" he closed his eyes and drew a deep breath "I am a proud man... don't make me beg."

"You won't have to beg." Mum answered, stepping aside and waving elegantly toward the door "Just leave" she shook her head at him.

"No."

"Leave." Answered Crouch this time. "This is my home and you'll not be asked again" he sighed "I'll be forced to call the Police, otherwise." Dad merely curled his lip at Crouch turning straight back to Mum. He took a few more steps toward her, Sirius following him again.

"Come with me" Dad said, dislodging mum's hand from her hip.

"No." She said, snatching her hand away, stowing it safely behind her back, with the other.

"We're going around in circles" Dad sighed, exasperated "Just come home" he grabbed her arm this time. Sirius, acting almost on a reflex, took hold of his Fathers arm and yanked it off his mother's. He quickly twisted the offending limb around, allowing Sirius to easily shove Dad down the hall with little struggle.

"I think it's time you left." He hissed. Dad turned his head, desperately stretching to shout over Sirius' shoulder.

"Mary please, you won't believe me and you have every right not to. But I love you. I do. Please come back." Sirius opened the door and shoved the man outside. Sirius tried not to flinch at the sight of a man who was the picture of the stern, stiff upper lip, flailing, flushed and pleading.

"You should have bloody thought about this before you started bloody hitting her." Sirius growled, as he lead Dad down the path of the Rectory's quaint little garden.

"Mary" Dad whined, when it looks like there are tears springing in the older man's eyes, Sirius released his arm and giving him a final push, shook his head.

"Don't bother coming back. Or sending any of your bloody harpy relatives round again."

"But... She's... She's my wife. And you're my son... so is Regulus"

"Dad, please save yourself a little bit of dignity and go. Because this is just... it's just sad."  
"You, Sirius Pollux Black, do _not_ tell me what to do. I am your father and-"

"Come on... just... bugger off home" Said Sirius, desperately trying to control his temper. He hadn't felt this near to losing it –and that's properly losing it; properly, smashing someone's face in almost choking them losing it – since he was about twelve. Dad scowled at him raised his voice, flailing his arms in wild unhinged gestures as if they helped emphasis his point.

"-I will not be spoken to like one of your little school friends, you must treat me with respect-"

"You're babbling" said Sirius, closing his eyes and drawing a deep breath. He counted to ten.

"- And _you_ do not judge what is and what is not dignified I-"

"DAD." Sirius said, grabbing the prattling man by the shoulders. "You need to leave. You need to leave now."

"But-"

"For fucks sake, I don't have to drag you home, do I?! I don't have to call the police? Or sort you out myself? Because so help me God Dad, you keep going on like this, I don't know what I'll do" Sirius suddenly noticed he was almost nose to nose with his Dad. And he was cowering. Quaking. His eyes screwed shut and his mouth twisted in a face that had seen pain in it's none too distant future.

"Watch your language" Dad said, finally. Sirius let go of him.

"Go home." Sirius said, very finally, wondering just how insane he must look, how loudly and fiercely he must have shouted. Dad nodded, straightened his clothes and walked down the street, climbing in the car, which was parked not too far away.

Sirius noticed his hands were balled up and let them relax. He noticed his breath was coming sharp and shallow. He turned his head slowly and saw Regulus and Barty, staring down at him, from their room upstairs, a look between terror and triumph on Regulus' face; Barty merely looked mildly surprised, perhaps, a little impressed.

Crouch was stood on the door step, his hand over his mouth. Mum was no where to be seen.

As Sirius took a few steps toward the house, he saw her, sat on the stairs; bent over, her head in her hands.

*

"What did you say your name was, petal?" Said Flora's mum, Ethel. She put a hand on the crook of his arm.

"Remus" he answered, looking at the hand on his arm and just barely resisting the urge to slap it away.

"That's lovely name." She said kindly. Ethel was a small plump woman, her curly white hair done up in a bun. Flora trotted from the kitchen and quickly dislodged her mother's hand from Remus' arm.

"Can you come and help me in the kitchen, mum. Leave the boys to bond." Flora grinned at her father Jack; a stout, bald man, with round glasses, a wide smile and about four teeth.

"Well, it's bloody good to finally meet you after hearing so much." Jack said, smiling up at Dad "So, what are your intentions toward my daughter?"

"P-pardon" sputtered Dad, looking completely horror stricken.

"I assume you intend to marry her at some point. She is pregnant after all" Jack said flatly. Dad's mouth dropped, all the colour drained from his face. He sat down on the sofa's arm, clapping his hand over his mouth. Jack snuffled, snorted, then barked a laugh.  
"I was only pulling yer leg!" He hooted, wiping a tear from his eyes "You should have seen your face." He whacked Remus on the arm, he flinched "You saw his face, didn't you lad?" Remus nodded slowly. "Bloody brilliant wasn't it?" Jack laughed again bent over. "Bloody hell" he sighed, finally calming down. Remus began to gnaw on his lip. He'd never been good around new people. Or loud people. Or people who scare the living shit out of other people.

"Remus was it?" asked Jack, holding out his hand for Remus to shake. He took it, shaking slowly, quickly and loosely. "Not much of a shake you've got" Remus shrugged, his hand had been sweaty. Remus wiped it discreetly on his shirt. "Oh well. How old are you? Flora never mentioned."

"Fourteen. Fifteen next March." Remus said quickly. Jack frowned, looked him up and down, then chuckled.

"Bit skinny for your age aren't you?"

"S'pose" Remus shrugged.

"Hair's a bit long as well. John, you need to get my Flora to feed you and your lad up. Both of you need good hair cuts actually"

"Thanks for the warning Jack." Dad said with raised eyebrows and a nod, holding out his hand for Jack to shake. He took it and shook the hand thoroughly, roughly.

The time Remus and his Dad spent with Jack was a time Remus had spent looking around the room for blunt objects to knock himself out with. It wasn't that Jack wasn't a nice man... he was just... loud... and dull... and an arse.

When Ethel had finally tottered back into the room with a handful of cutlery and a bottle of wine, it was declared to be time for dinner and Remus spent the meal facing an inquisition.

"So, Remus, flower, how's school?"  
"School's for people with money Ethel, have you got a job, lad?"

"What's your favourite subject?"

"Why haven't you got a job yet?"

"Do you want to take A-levels?"

"Where are you going to get a job?"

"What was your favourite subject again dear?"

"Got yourself a girl at the moment?"

That question had caused a post just-the-one-glass-of-wine Flora to snort into her gravy and Dad's knife to slip while he cut his chicken, sending a piece flying across the table.

*

Sirius knelt down in front of Mum' wondering what expression was hidden by a fall of black hair and a pair of long fingered, white hands.

"I... I got rid of him... he's gone." Sirius said quietly, half considering putting a hand on her shoulder or... or something.

"He'll come back." She said curtly, pushing her hair behind her ears, her eyes wide and afraid over his hands.

"He won't Mum. I told him off. He knows not to come back."

"No." She shook her head "He's a persistent man. He will come back."

"You don't know that"

"I know it for a fact."

"Mum" Sirius sighed "don't be silly."

"I am not being _silly_, Sirius." She snapped. Then drew a deep breath and rubbed her forehead. "Your father he was... I was very young when I'd first met him. He'd been a friend of your grandfather's. When I was seventeen, Orion- your father, had seen fit to begin to... court me and I politely declined. He was married of course, to Walburga, and I saw myself above being the mistress of one my father's many middle aged, drinking partners.

He wasn't even the richest. And there were many rumours of drinking and gambling problems. Of heavy debts with Tom Riddle. Probably the best looking of that bunch though.

Every time he came back, tried to win me over, he'd seem... slightly more... unstable. He'd shout, he'd beg he'd offer to – to buy me things or even money like I was a common... like a whore.

He broke down one night though. After Your Grandfather had gone to bed. He'd come to my room, sat on the edge of my bed and begun wailing about how Walburga was dead. And how his children had no mother. How I'd make such a good mother to them. And I was barely eighteen by this point..."

"She wasn't bloody dead though, was she?" Sirius growled, anger welling up within him again.

"No Sirius. She was not."

"Bastard" he spat. Mum, cool and calm, raised her eyebrows.  
"Language. And it took me a while to work out she was not acctually dead. Ill she was. Very ill. But not dead yet. By that point I was... I was pregnant. With you."

"Aah. But... Walburga... He didn't... did he?" Sirius said, hoping the fragmented sentence was enough to communicate the question.

"He always told me that he'd told her about he and I. That the shock and the broken heart had killed her." She laughed bitterly and looked up at Sirius, her eyes as hard and cold as they ever had been. "So the honest answer is, Sirius, I'm not sure. My pregnancy put him in rather an awkward position. He still had a wife. But he also had a pregnant, eighteen year old mistress, whose father had never let her near another man. Rumour's had already started flying around, it would have been very clear who had - who the baby's father was.

And my father was very powerful at the time. Our name held a lot of clout. My father wouldn't have let blame fall on me. He'd have twisted the story. He'd have made it out as if I'd been... forced. Or he'd have hidden it and packed you off to an orphanage. Or we'd have had to pass you off as my newest younger brother, rather than my son.

And even if he had done that, he'd have still found some way to ruin Orion's reputation.

So - because all of your father's problems could have so easily disappeared, were Walburga out of the way, so he could just marry me – I honestly couldn't tell you if he did... or not."

"Fuck."  
"Language! The point is, Sirius, that your father is... he can be a very dangerous person."

"Alright."

"And I don't like him knowing where we are... being in a place with... the rectory is so public you see... I just thought, it might be easier if we... if we did move in with your grandfather. He could look after us."

"But..." Sirius felt his chest tighten, his voice dropped to a whisper "Remus"

_A/N: Hokay... So this one wasn't my best... :S_

_And for those of you reading my other fic... the long ass one... it's been an embarassingly long time since I updated but... I have such bad writers block right now :S_

_  
(yipes, whiney Author's note is whiny!) _


	10. Chapter 10

"Sirius..." Mum knocked on his door two hours later. She didn't look him in the eyes. She didn't complain about mess. She didn't ask him to open his curtains. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have let you hear that." She sighed "I let my mouth run away with me, I suppose."

And with that, she left. Sirius heard her heels click their way down the stairs, then back up again.

"I'd like you to pack tonight. I'd like to leave for your grandfather's tomorrow. Father Crouch will drive us." Sirius glared at the carpet. Half willing it to burst in to flames. He glared at Mum in her silly, strappy, black heels. She was dressed like a woman twice her age, long skirt and a blue woollen cardigan, but had the shoes of a twenty two year old on a night out.

He wondered why his mother had such an aversion to sensible footwear.

*

His pants went into the bag first, followed by jeans, then his trousers, after came his t-shirts and his shirts, then his school tie and jumper. Finally, books were carefully lain out on top of these, followed by two handfuls of socks, a pen and a jotter.

The door opened, suddenly. It was pushed, and whined open with a soft creak. The mass of straw coloured hair and half closed brown eyes indicate this was going to be one of the rare occasions Barty spoke to him.

Sirius couldn't quite work out what it was that was... _off_ about him. But there was. Something very off indeed, that set Sirius on edge and made the air around the room stiffen and turn cold.

"Why are you leaving?" he asked.

"Mum says. Doesn't want to live in a place where Dad can get to us."

"Why?"

"Mind your own business." Sirius said curtly. He walked the short distance from his bag to the door, pushing it closed. Barty's foot got in the way.

"I don't want Regulus to go"

"Well he has to"

"Why?" Barty's head cocked to one side. Sirius scowled.

"Because he has to stay with family."

"Why can't you stay here? I had to come here when my Mum died."

"Don't be thick Barty. Crouch is like, your Godfather or something, isn't he?" Sirius asked. Barty shrugged.

"All I know is, he's an old friend of my Mum's and we have the same first name."

"Why aren't you staying with your dad?"

"Dunno who he is" Barty said coolly "Could be anyone"

"Surely your mum had some idea?" Sirius said sceptically. Barty shrugged again.

"Nope. She was a whore." He said flatly.

"Oh." Sirius was very suddenly added another thing to the list of things he didn't like about Barty. Too forthright.

*

Sirius was pulling his pyjamas on that night, when he heard a soft knock at the door.

"Sod off" Sirius muttered, picking a book from his bag and climbing onto his bed. There was another knock. Sirius scowled and opened at the page he's last been at but, when a soft whine of his name followed a third knock, Sirius rolled his eyes.

"What?" Regulus opened the door, his eyes just peeking through the crack he made.

"Hi"

"... What do you want?" Sirius sighed. Regulus shuffled into the room, twiddling with the hem of his pyjama top.

"Are you in a huff because we're leaving?" he asked. Sirius scowled and folded his arms.

"I'm not in a huff!"

"Right." Regulus said in that _I'm humouring you_ tone he could have only picked up from mum "I don't want to go either. Don't want to leave my friends wither... and I don't like Granddad."

"Neither do I... last time we saw him he told me to call him _sir_ get a haircut and left it at that"

"He smacked me on the back of the head, told me to stop clinging to Mum, call him sir _and_ to get a hair cut."

"Fine, so yours is worse." Sirius admitted. Of all the relatives mum had picked to hide behind. She'd picked Granddad. Sirius huffed and twisted his face, he knew without looking Regulus was doing the same; contemplating the next god knows how many months cooped up in that horrid, dusty, old house with a horrid, dusty old man.

"You had a fight with Dad." Said Regulus, suddenly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Ten out of ten, Sherlock"

"But I mean... like a proper fight. With proper shouting and hands and um..." Regulus said, loosing his train of thought. He cleared his throat, shuffled on the spot and asked "Were you going to hit him?"

"I was trying not to" Sirius said sharply. Not hitting him was bloody difficult.

"You should have, he hit mum so you should have hit him" Regulus nodded. "Eye for an eye. Tooth for a tooth."

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." Sirius sighed. Maybe, a few years ago, he'd have agreed with Regulus. Not anymore, though. He wondered if it was because Remus didn't like violence, didn't like any kind of hitting, that his opinion had changed. He wondered if he'd just... grown up. Regulus frowned

"He's still a... twat" he said tentatively. Sirius rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Barty been widening your vocabulary?"

"Maybe" Regulus answered, sharp and defensive. He bit his lip after a moment of silent. Examined Sirius "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!"

"No need to snap!" Regulus huffed "I'm only checking."

"Just piss off Regulus" Sirius sighed again. Making sure he sounded utterly bored with the younger boy. He waved his hand toward the door "You're annoying me" he added brusquely.

"Is this all 'cause you have to leave Remus?" Regulus asked, cocking his head to one side.

"Out. Now." Sirius stood, shoved his brother out the room.

"Take that as a yes." Regulus said dryly, smirking.

"fuck off." Sirius slammed the door. Regulus lay flat against the gap between the floor and the bottom of the door.

"What's going on with you two?" he asked

"I mean it Regulus-" Sirius growled. Regulus interrupted him.

"You're not... queer... or anything, are you?"

"No Reg, I'm not a fucking queer. And neither is Remus. He's the only friend I've ever fucking had, so pardon me for not wanting to leave."

"Alright! Sorry... I mean... I don't think you're queer... it's just-"

"What?"

"I heard Lucius Malfoy talking to Narcissa, who heard from Alecto Carrow who heard from a girl called Carolyn Prewett, who heard from her friend that you and Remus were... well, you know"

"Well we aren't. So you just go and tell them they're talking a load of bollocks."

"Alright..." Sirius heard Regulus heave himself up off the floor "G'night Sirius"

"G'night." Sirius sighed.

*

Sirius waited. He waited for Crouch to start snoring. For Barty and Regulus to stop talking. And for Mum to stop pacing. Then he waited another hour, just to be sure. He crept down the stairs, his heart his his throat, almost ill with panic when he put his toe down on a creaky stair.

He reached the bottom of the stairs, pulled on his coat and slipped on his shoes. He unlocked the door, slowly, painfully slowly. The unsnapping of the latch on the door sounding fifty times louder than it did during the day time.

The door creaked open and Sirius slipped out, closing it very carefully behind him. He tiptoed out into the street, starting in the direction council estate.

The street the rectory sat on was dead and silent. Noise died down at six, downstairs lights were out by nine, upstairs by ten. The only sign of life he saw, was a fox streaking through a garden down to a nearby wood.

Slowly, the trees became less frequent, less leafy, gardens becoming more unkempt and houses smaller, the level of dilapidation steadily increasing the closer he got to the council estate.

The closer he got, the more lights were still on. The more people there were on the streets, gathering at bus stops or moving toward the far off city centre.

Sirius began to move quicker. Moved from the centre of the street to the sides, ducking behind bins, bus shelters and phone boxes when he could. When he reached the council estate, he thanked every deity that leapt to mind that Remus lived in the first house on the second street.

The small, old house was at the end of a long row of terraced houses, Sirius remembered from history lessons that these would have been built during Victorian times, for miners, or factory workers, and their families . Not nearly as old as his own house, certainly no where near as old as his Grandfather's manor house but far older than the new houses in the city.

Sirius walked round the side of the house, hopping the damaged fence with the peeling paint and landing with a thud in the small, unkempt garden. He was careful not to wipe the mud on his hands onto his pyjamas. He fumbled around on the ground, for a moment, looking for stones, scooping a few up when he found them and standing.

Remus' bedroom window was the only one on the first floor of the house, aside from the small, frosted window of the bathroom. Sirius threw the smallest of the stones in his hand, hitting the window with a quiet tap.

He waited a moment. No answer.

He picked a slightly larger stone next, hitting the window again, with a quiet tap. There was still no answer. Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus was obviously, a selectively heavy sleeper. If Sirius got up in the night to use the loo while one was staying at the other's house, Remus would be awake right away, sitting up and gasping in fright, making Sirius feel horribly guilty.

The next stone missed, and hit the bricks of the house next door. Sirius sighed and frowned at the final stone left in his hand. The stone was a fair bit bigger than the others and Sirius did fear for the Lupin's window. He squinted, searching the ground for anything smaller, but, with a frustrated groan, threw the too large stone anyway.

He winced as he heard the stone hit the window with a loud crack and the crunch of breaking glass.

Remus appeared at the window, his eyes wide and panicked, his chest rising and falling too quickly. Sirius waved nervously and saw Remus take, what was likely, a sigh of relief. Remus unlatched his window and pushed it open, leaning on it's frame and rubbing his eyes.

"Sirius" Remus smiled. That rare, full smile he rarely showed.

"What light through yonder window breaks?" said Sirius with a grin. Remus turned behind him then frowned.

"The lights are off" he said

"I was quoting- ... never mind. Can you let me in?"

"'kay. Just go round the front and be quiet" Said Remus, through a yawn. Remus shut the window and stretched, Sirius saw him fade from view and walked round the front of the house.

Remus appeared at the door a moment later, ushering him in and up the stairs, index finger pressed to his lips till they reached his room. Remus looked at him for a moment, and smiled, slightly, at the combination of the tailored, expensive, lamb's wool coat and the old, torn, two sizes too big pyjamas. Sirius opened his mouth to say something but was quickly scuppered by a clumsy, if surprisingly voracious, mouth covering his. Remus groaned softly, crushing Sirius back against the door in his enthusiasm. Sirius could only yelp as the door handle dug into arse.

"Sorry" Remus said, pulling off him, their lips separating with a wet smack "It's been a while"

"Forty six days" Said Sirius, blushing slightly. Remus smiled and kissed him again. Gentler than before, making sure Sirius wasn't being impaled by the door handle. Sirius tried to pull away, but was drawn forward again, by a smooth swipe of a tongue along his bottom lip, pushing his lips apart and sliding into his mouth. He found himself being knocked down onto Remus' bed, with Remus' teeth grazing his ear lobe, Remus' thigh pressed into his-

"Remus" Sirius choked out "I really need to talk to you"

"Less talking" Remus mumbled, tongue and mouth moving slowly downward.

"Remus... this is important." Sirius said, a little pained.

"It is?" Remus asked "Oh... sorry"

"It's fine." Remus climbed off him, and sat on the bed with his back to the wall, his knees beneath his chin. Sirius propped himself up on his elbows.

"It's not-" began Remus, suddenly stopping.

"What?"

"It's not... you don't want to... stop. This, do you?" Remus sucked in his bottom lip. Sirius frowned.

"Stop what?" he asked. Remus blinked at him and cleared his throat.

"... Well, you know... this. This thing we have" he said, pushing a nervous hand through his hair.

"You mean... oh" said Sirius realising he meant... _their_ Thing. Their nameless Thing, with the snogging and the groping and the one blow job that had been quite an interesting experience.

"Oh." Remus said, with a nod. Sirius felt a cold chill run through him. He certainly didn't want to stop. He hadn't thought Remus had.

"Do you?" Sirius asked, swallowing. Remus furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"No. I like you." He said quietly. "I mean, obviously I like but. I like you... I like you like you." He swallowed and looked over at Sirius, not meeting his eye and looking away quickly. Sirius smiled.

"Me too. I like you, like you." He chuckled when Remus smiled, Sirius saw the muscles in his shoulders relax. Sirius sighed, sat up properly and rubbed his eyes. "But today. Erm. Dad came round"

"Uh oh" said Remus, with a pained half smile.

"Yeah... we sort of. We got into a fight. Sort of. And I reckon I scared him off! But ... well... Mum's really worried about him coming back. She thinks... she thinks he's dangerous."

"I thought he was hitting her"

"He was... she reckons he might have... maybe bumped off his first wife." Mumbled Sirius.

"Well, he is dangerous then" said Remus, his forehead crinkling.

"... I suppose. But she's. She's over reacting a bit, I think. Only 'cause she wants us to go and live with Granddad at his house." Remus' face fell from a small frown into a look of panic.

"Where's that?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"City Centre." Said Sirius begrudgingly.

"But... but that's almost an hour away!" Remus exclaimed, sitting forward. "And that's by bus as well"

"I know" Sirius sighed. Remus' brow creased again, he flopped back against the wall.

"Bugger" he muttered.

"Yep."

"Will you still be going to school?" asked Remus. Sirius sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I don't know." He pursed his lips.

"Shit." Remus mumbled.

"Yep." Remus dropped his head into his hands.

"I don't want you to go" he muttered. "I know it won't help anything but... I don't. Why don't you stay here?"

"What?"

"Don't go with them. Stay. Stay in the house with me." Remus said, head jerking up from his hands "I mean, I know there isn't much room but. I don't know. I could... I could stay on the floor, you could have the bed. Um. Food there's always plenty leftover from me and Dad and... and with Flora here so much, and she can cook, you know, so there'd be more food around-"

"Remus" Sirius interrupted "I... I. You know I'd rather stay with you" he nodded slowly "You know... You're my best friend, you do don't you?" he nodded again. "But... I couldn't impose"

"You wouldn't be-"

"And, you don't know what my Granddad's like. Mum would tell him about... our thing, and he'd take me not coming with Mum as a personal insult." Sirius wrinkled his nose "I'd probably be disowned. And Granddad's ten times worse than both my parents combined. He wouldn't let me see any of my family again... " He sighed "And I'm pretty sure dad will have already had me bloody... erased from the bloody family records."

"What?"

"Family records. The Blacks, we're aristocrats aren't we" Sirius felt his eyes roll of their own accord. "Every marriage, birth and death gets recorded."

"So... he would just... erase your existence" Remus curled his lip, disbelief on his voice.

"Wouldn't put it past him" Sirius said with a shrug. Remus frowned, opened his mouth to speak but ended up letting his jaw hang soundlessly. He put his hand to his forehead and rubbed his eyes with a heavy sigh, that was more of a groan than anything.

"We can still meet up though. If they make you move schools, we can meet up at weekends."

"Yeah, 'course. I mean, just because... we won't have to stop seeing each other... I won't let happen."

"'kay" They sat in silence for a while, broken by the occasional mutual sigh. Remus twiddled with his hair, with his face screwed up. "Sirius..."

"Hmm?"

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Remus answered with a grin that was almost wicked.

"Could be the last time we're together - at least, in private - for a while."

"Yeah?"

"No point... wasting out time, really. Moping."

"Nope."

*

"Do I want to ask why I heard the front door opening at four o'clock this morning?" said mum sharply as she fastened her seat belt. They were securely bundled in the car. Mum's and Sirius' bags were just barely squashed into the boot, while Regulus' lay across his and Sirius' laps. Regulus had been scowling all morning, his bad mood was beginning to give Sirius' a run for it's money.

"What?"

"The front door. Four o'clock this morning." She snapped. Sirius saw Crouch cringe, his knuckles tighten around the steering wheel of the car.

"You're imagining things." Said Sirius lazily, rolling his eyes. Mum's nostrils flared.

"Don't you dare, Sirius Black, don't you _dare_ talk to_ me_ like I'm stupid" she pointed a bony finger at him and slapped him on the knee.

"I wasn't!"  
"I know what I heard!" she snarled "_Why_ were you out there?" she glared "You'd better not have been doing, what I think you were doing" Sirius folded his arms, feeling his hands beginning to shake. His brain scrabbled desperately for excuses

"I couldn't sleep, I needed some fresh-"

"Don't lie. I can tell when my own son is lying, Sirius. Truth. Now."

"Oh... oh fine Mum. You want the truth" he snapped. "I went out to smoke. There. Happy?"

"Smoking?" The look on her face looked more like one of relief than anger. "Oh Sirius, I thought... When did you start smoking?"

"When we first moved to the rectory." He sighed. Mum rolled her eyes.

"Well it's a filthy habit" she said sharply, half heartedly. "And if you so much as think about disobeying me at your Grandfather's house" she sighed "Well... you won't know what hit you"


End file.
